Transformational Teachings from Counselor Jane Ilene Cohen

“…you haven’t found the basis to be loving on your own terms. For you, what constitutes being loving is doing what other people tell you being loving is. And since it doesn’t feel congruent to you, you’re not good at doing it. But you don’t seem to recognize that your own feelings and the way you feel like expressing them, is a true and valid expression.”

“Men can tend to lean on invulnerable logic, as if that gives them some mastery, rather than being in a place where you just allow things to be what they are — a more organic place where you are feeling things, you are experiencing things, and the black and white mastery is not so important. Being present and in the feeling, growing, learning, evolving, transforming is more of a female thing.”

“Men can tend to lean on invulnerable logic, as if that gives them some mastery, rather than being in a place where you just allow things to be what they are — a more organic place where you are feeling things, you are experiencing things, and the black and white mastery is not so important. Being present and in the feeling, growing, learning, evolving, transforming is more of a female thing. If you are just in the experience of something, then it’s an ever changing thing, and it’s not a place in which you can be right. It’s where you are in the experience, rather than mastering the experience. The kind of false mastery I’m talking about is the human substitute for the Divine, the province of the alternate self.”

“What we’re creating in this group, is pushing you through your defense systems. So we’re pushing Aaron out of his defense system, where he can experience the truth when he is not defended. That’s very transformational. What is happening now (for Aaron), is that you feel that the only way you are acceptable is if you are perfect. Well this group is representing to you a completely different reality, that this being ‘perfect’ is what is unacceptable, because it is not real. And that when you reveal where you really are, that’s what draws people close to you. So the group represents a different reality, and as we push people out of the defense structures, that can shift your experience of reality. That’s the point.”

(Aaron is saying that his life is a life of service to others, and that he feels it’s just outside of his reach right now.) “I think there’s a disconnect in you about what real service is. The way it seems you’re approaching it can’t really be of service, because you’re still avoiding who you are, and masking the vulnerability underneath. You have to be coming from where and who you are in order to give anyone anything. If when you’re helping other people, you’re not being vulnerable yourself, then you are hiding behind the act of helping them.”

“Whatever is really important to you, whatever really matters to you — even if you can only get a hold of something that is based on a limiting decision and therefore somewhat off kilter — you have to start with where you are at, and follow it down to getting deeper and truer, and deeper and truer, to get some solid ground. Nothing will ever be right between the two of you if you are not on solid ground, no matter how she reacts to it. You need to start getting to a base of reality, or there’s just no hope.”