Transformational Teachings from Counselor Jane Ilene Cohen

…there is something much more stable and true that is underlying all of experience that has been camouflaged by the unevolved avoidance of truth the world has been based on. And actually there is quite a lot that has been built in the world that is based on the truth of the real world. And that will begin to come much more to the fore, as the old dysfunctional structures fall away.

Regardless of the external circumstances, being a victim has to do with attitude and interpretation.

There is a difference between someone who is needy and trying to use you to make up for a lack in themselves — and someone who is coming from wholeness and love, and from really enjoying you. When a person is needy, they don’t have the channels open to receive what it is they need. You then become a symbol to them of what they need, rather than who you really are.

For any relationship to work, each person must be coming from what truly matters to them, or there is no solid foundation for it. Ultimately the only relationship we are in is between ourselves and a larger or Universal Truth.

When you get to the bottom of what is true between people, it always is love. That is what is underneath the separation, the fear, the anger, and the pain. But most people are so daunted by the dragon at the gateway to coming together with the other, they never find that out.

What people often associate with safety, stability and comfort is actually retreating from engaging in life, into a world they believe they can control.

The question is what you are committed to. From a shallow kind of perspective, people can be committed to what makes them feel good in the moment. And so when things get difficult they just leave. On the other side of the pendulum …

We are in a transition period, moving into taking personal responsibility for the world each of us is creating. We can no longer afford to blame it on what the other person is doing.

It’s not about what the person wants that’s the issue, but what is motivating him wanting it. If it’s substituting for some emotional need that he doesn’t have access to receiving, because he doesn’t have the channels open, it won’t work and will conflict with you.

What’s more important than taking certain actions, or changing your behavior in relation to her, is changing your insides.