Transformational Teachings from Counselor Jane Ilene Cohen

“What often comes up in this group is the issue ‘Who is defining reality for you?’. People, in general, often let other people define reality for them. And that’s the issue that you seem to be referring to. But I’m taking about something different. I’m talking about letting input from other people give you information, not in order for them to define reality for you, but for you to learn more about yourself from your own perspective.”

“And as you are standing in the truth of what the situation is and what really needs to be done, the more you will be listened to. And then your job is to help guide your child to be connected to reality and truth as well, so that they, also, can see what needs to be done and so they’re not just being told what to do by a parent authority.”

(The discussion is about Jocelyn being invested in being independent.) “So here’s where you need to draw the distinction between what part of this is a defense system, and what part of this is not. If there is a defense system involved, it causes life to not work.”

“…you haven’t found the basis to be loving on your own terms. For you, what constitutes being loving is doing what other people tell you being loving is. And since it doesn’t feel congruent to you, you’re not good at doing it. But you don’t seem to recognize that your own feelings and the way you feel like expressing them, is a true and valid expression.”

“(Randy was saying that he feels fed up with the relationship. He doesn’t want to live like this any more, and is ready to leave.) The issue here is about dialogue. When people finally come to the point where they can no longer deny how they really feel, they often just decide to leave, which is not giving anything a chance to actually work.”

“When there’s a power-struggle, each person in the struggle is trying to control what the other person perceives of as reality, based on a construct that person has formed, to protect their emotional defense system.”

“Every time you make a limiting decision, it obscures consciousness. It obscures your connection to reality, to the Divine. And then when you clear the limiting decision, it removes the obstacle. So as you remove the limiting decisions, experience becomes more and more transparent until there are no limiting decisions left, and you are totally clear.”