Transformational Teachings from Counselor Jane Ilene Cohen

There is a difference between someone who is needy and trying to use you to make up for a lack in themselves — and someone who is coming from wholeness and love, and from really enjoying you. When a person is needy, they don’t have the channels open to receive what it is they need. You then become a symbol to them of what they need, rather than who you really are.

When you get to the bottom of what is true between people, it always is love. That is what is underneath the separation, the fear, the anger, and the pain. But most people are so daunted by the dragon at the gateway to coming together with the other, they never find that out.

People often compromise themselves in relationships rather than revealing what is really true from their perspective, because they don’t believe it could possibly work out if everyone did that.

The question is what you are committed to. From a shallow kind of perspective, people can be committed to what makes them feel good in the moment. And so when things get difficult they just leave. On the other side of the pendulum …

As we approach the New Year we can see the transition we have been going through in these tumultuous times. One way to describe it is we are shifting from striving to be in control, to engaging instead.

What’s more important than taking certain actions, or changing your behavior in relation to her, is changing your insides.

Underneath pain is love. When you are grieving because someone you love has died, what is underneath the grieving is love for them.

The purpose of the evolutionary process is to move increasingly more toward our enlightened self-interest, that which truly benefits us.

If you are firmly in your present moment experience, and not being triggered by a limiting decision, you can’t be pulled into the world of the attacker.

…it’s never an attachment to the person himself that is what you’re really wanting. It’s the heart of intimacy, the heart of love.