Transformational Teachings from Counselor Jane Ilene Cohen

Getting involved sexually is not just a physical experience. It’s a part of something that means more, and so the issue is whether the meaning more is a part of a fantasy or it’s connected to the real relationship.

Following enlightened self-interest* is leading you down a path that we couldn’t have preconceive of. This shows how irrelevant our preconceptions are about how things are supposed to end up looking. The challenge is being willing to stand in the confusion and discomfort of the unknown until things become clear, rather than jumping into an immediate solution so you can stop dealing with it.

What people often associate with safety, stability and comfort is actually retreating from engaging in life, into a world they believe they can control.

It’s not about what the person wants that’s the issue, but what is motivating him wanting it. If it’s substituting for some emotional need that he doesn’t have access to receiving, because he doesn’t have the channels open, it won’t work and will conflict with you.

Approaching this by trying to get him to focus more time on you is an attempt to control what can’t be controlled in reality, and it is a backwards approach to the problem.