This is a part of the “Ask Jane” Series,
in which Jane answers questions
you email to her that of concern to you.
(Names are changed to protect your privacy.)
Just go to the “Contact Jane” page
and ask your question in the contact form.
Question from Fiona in Oceanside
Fiona: I’m working on forgiving my husband for being emotionally abusive to me. I’m having difficulty doing that.
Jane: The need for forgiving someone comes from having first felt emotions such as anger, hatred or vengefulness toward him. It’s based on the idea that he has wronged you. Forgiveness implies that even though he has wronged you, you’re going to let go of these negative feelings and be either neutral or loving instead.
In this instance, you are still in the same situation with your husband, so the same feelings keep getting brought up in you toward him, which is why you can’t forgive him.
The painful feelings you are feeling as a result of your husband’s way of relating to you are caused by one or more limiting decisions* in you. The limiting decisions* could be something like you are not valuable, or you don’t deserve to be respected, or men are more powerful or more valuable than women, and so on. It is not your husband who you are angry at. It is what he symbolizes that elicits the intense emotional responses in you. And you are most likely symbolizing for him the intense emotions he is reacting to you out of.
Once you have dealt with the limiting decisions* at the bottom of the emotions he brings up in you, you will find there is nothing to forgive. And your relationship with him will probably either change, or you will find no reason to stay in it, as you will no longer be trying to heal the issues in you by getting him to change.
* Limiting decisions are unconscious decisions made before the age of 6 or 7 that are always some form of life is not meant to work and/or there is something inherently wrong with you.
Selected from the “Life is Meant to Work” Webinar,
and emailed-in questions people sent.
To listen to this webinar introduction, click here.
(People’s names are changed to protect their privacy.)
Sally: Jane, excellent synthesis and conclusions of this complex topic. Will each session be one hour?
Jane: Yes, each class in the 12-week Course will be an hour.
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Randy: Are you going to be teaching A Course in Miracles in this course?
Jane: No. I absorbed what was meaningful to me to absorb from A Course in Miracles. I studied it very intensely and it brought me to new ground in which I was seeing things from a different perspective. And from standing on that perspective, I tapped into a whole other thought system from my own direct experience.
I got the idea from A Course in Miracles that life is meant to work. And when I started seeing clients I started holding that in place. I didn’t really know that it was true. But I was holding it in place, and I was insistent on holding that in place. I think I was born to do that, as I can’t figure out any other reason why I have held onto it with such strong intention. So whatever happened, I interpreted it from the frame-or-reference that life is meant to work. And as a result, I started tapping into a whole body of work, which has kept unfolding and has made the work I do very effective. Because TimeLine is such a fast process, I could almost immediately see the result of holding “life is meant to work” in place. So it has been like a living laboratory over these past 14 years, seeing the results of standing on that premise, and finding that it is true over and over again. We clear the limiting decision, and the person’s life reconfigures itself and proves that it has nothing to do with the way life works, or the external circumstance.
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Jean: It sounds like by the time a person is 50 they might have made hundreds or thousands of limiting decisions. So how long do you think it might take someone, an average person whose life isn’t working, to release enough limiting decisions so their life could work?
Jane: First of all you don’t keep making limiting decisions until you’re 50 years old. Limiting decisions are made before the age of 6 or 7, sometimes in adolescence. It’s rare that you make any limiting decisions beyond that age.
The number of limiting decisions and the length of time it takes to clear them depends on the soul’s path. Some people have a lot of stuff going on — by which I mean a lot of limiting decisions that surface — and they just have to deal with them. They’re set up to make a lot of progress in this lifetime. Other people seem to have an easier path, with less limiting decisions to deal with. And it seems to vary from lifetime to lifetime. It depends on a combination of your soul’s particular path, and how much progress it decides to make in this lifetime. It also has to do with the evolutionary process of your particular soul and of humanity in general. At a certain point a more evolved level of functioning is expected of you in order for your life to work well.
In general when a person works with me, they work for a while and arrive at a place that works for them, at the particular stage in life they are at. I had one woman who cleared the issues she needed to clear in relation to her husband, and their relationship now works wonderfully well, and she was finished. And I haven’t heard from her since. For some people, we clear the issues that were currently of concern to them, and I don’t hear from them for a year or two. And then they come back to clear more, according to what’s up for them in their current life experience.
But that’s about the TimeLine sessions, and that’s different from what I’m doing in the “Life is Meant to Work” program, which has to do with the larger perspective, it shifts how you are experiencing life, and your perspective on what reality is. It’s working with getting you in alignment with the evolutionary process.
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Anita: If life is meant to work, what about catastrophes such as what happened in Haiti, the death and destruction wasn’t the result of their limiting decisions. It might be the result of limiting decisions of those that are causing global climate change. We’re making decisions and other people are making decisions. So possibly what happened is other people’s limiting decisions can have a limiting effect on us. Some people’s decisions can change the world. They affect everybody. To take an attitude that everything one endures is as a result of one’s limiting belief is to imply that we are islands unto ourselves and are unaffected by what takes place around us.
A baby born with an arm protruding out of its back because of the depleted uranium dumped in Iraq by the Americans, has not created its own reality. A 7 point earthquake that kills and harms huge numbers of people is not created by the limiting beliefs of those people. The fact that the over-population, pathetic housing conditions, poverty and ignorance of the people is a condition of American foreign policy conditions … (Anita wrote a very long question, too long to include here, so this is just a small excerpt.)
Jane: You’ve asked a lot of good questions. This is a large subject and central to the teachings in this 12-week course and can’t be comprehensively explained in this brief Q & A format. So I’ll just answer some pieces of it.
Your limiting decisions only have to do with you. And other people’s limiting decisions only have to do with them. You are never controlled by someone outside of yourself. When you clear the limiting decision, you find that your life shifts, no matter what it is that others are doing.
The alternative perspective to this is a judgmental good-versus-evil perspective, which is one of the causes of the problem — not a solution. This is the perspective that causes people to be in fear, feel they have to control each other, to believe that what they really want will be damaging to others, and all kinds of misconceptions that leads to people attacking each other in the name of defending themselves. It causes people to be afraid of being who they really are, in their full power.
I know this can be hard to grasp. That’s why it’s a 12-week course, because you have to really get into the specifics of how experience is formed in order to untangle this whole thing.
Even on a very direct, relatively benign personal level, limiting decisions appear to make life impossible, and so without really understanding how that works, it’s hard to understand it for more extreme and global situations. The examples I gave in my introduction, about clients’ whose lives turned around from appearing to be impossible to being possible, give some insight into that.
The amazing thing to me is that, whatever the situation is, when you clear the limiting decisions that are at the root of the painful emotions that come up in the situation — when you clear them, your experience of reality does shift.
Yes, we are all affected by each other, but whether our response is an emotionally triggered one or not, is the issue. A trigger means that your experience of reality is distorted because of limiting decisions in that area of life. You can tell whether it’s a trigger or not according to whether your response is empowered and resourceful or not.
What your mind does with each piece of experience, the way it interprets the meaning of it determines whether you go toward solutions or in the opposite direction, regardless of what is happening in your external environment.
It’s probably not possible to understand events and circumstances such as the current disaster in Haiti, or a child being born deformed, outside of the perspective of a soul’s journey. Facilitating, and therefore experiencing, the TimeLine process (a hypnotic NLP process) with many people who have gone back into past lifetimes has given me a valuable perspective on the human process in relation to these kinds of events.
I’ll give you a typical kind of example, of which I have had many similar ones. Let’s say the limiting decision we’re working on is that the person is defective. And in the person’s present here-and-now life, he has a learning disability, which has been limiting his possibilities in life.
In order to clear a limiting decision it’s necessary to go back to the very first event in which it was made. So let’s say we are brought back to a past lifetime, to an event that even I can’t reframe into life is meant to work, because it appears completely impossible — such as being born without legs, and the only means of survival is to do work that requires walking. I have learned that when that kind of thing occurs, it’s not the very first event in which the limiting decision was made. And when we do get to the originating event, you can see where the person’s interpretation was flawed or limited in scope. So, with the cooperation of his unconscious mind, we go back to an earlier lifetime, when he was a 2 year old child, and his parent expected him to be able to do a chore way beyond his development, and when he couldn’t, was abusive to him. So we can see here the problem is the child believing the parent represented reality, not the actual circumstance. And that can easily be reframed with help from me and their present-moment adult perspective.
The reason the person continued that limiting decision into following lifetimes — sometimes even escalating it, such as being born without legs — is because after the limiting decision is made in the originating event, the unconscious mind is invested in proving that it is true, and structures the person’s life experiences in order to prove it. This affects what happens in following lifetimes.
However, when this limiting decision gets cleared, the person’s unconscious mind reconfigures itself and solutions to their present moment life dilemmas become apparent. I’ve seen it happen over and over again.
Now the person going through these different experiences — sometimes extremely painful experiences — is a part of that person’s soul path. But the evolutionary process is to move into increasingly greater alignment with universal truths and with life, in order to move each person toward empowerment, happiness and well-being — toward a state of enlightenment. It’s a process based on love. A major purpose of the 12-week course is to facilitate people moving into this greater alignment.
So this is just a brief response, with much left unexplained, to a deep, complex subject that the “Life is Meant to Work” course is set up to address in depth.
For information about the 12-week Life is Meant to Work Main Course,
and to Register, click here.
This is a part of the “Ask Jane” Series,
in which Jane answers questions
you email to her that of concern to you.
(Names are changed to protect your privacy.)
Just go to the “Contact Jane” page
and ask your question in the contact form.
This is a question from Molly, from San Diego, CA.
Molly: I have a very good friend. She has a habit of laughing all the time. It gets on my nerves because it is so constant and it is inappropriate many times. If something in my life happens that is very unpleasant, let’s say, she will laugh. Sometimes I simply say, “Suzi, that’s not funny.” Others have told me it is irritating to them, also. Because of this “laughing at inappropriate” times I find I can’t be around her very much which is too bad because we have fun. It’s not that she is unaware of it, because I do call it to her attention when I can’t stand it anymore. Is there anything else I can do other than have less time around her?
Jane: The first thing for you is to take responsibility for the fact that you are feeling emotionally triggered by her laughing — i.e. you’re having a large emotional response that feels outside your control. When people have a triggered emotional response it generally means that some area of pain that they already have, caused by a limiting decision*, has been activated by what has just happened. People then project that pain onto whatever has activated it, as if that person or situation is the source of their pain rather than the limiting decision* (a negative decision about yourself made in early childhood). It is important for you to get to what the limiting decision* is, because as long as you are projecting your pain onto her, you can’t relate objectively to her about this issue. Observe what the feelings are that come up in you when she does this. Maybe you feel not taken seriously, or not listened to, or not respected …. These are limiting decisions*. When people make a limiting decision* the unconscious mind becomes invested in proving that it is true, and so is always looking for excuses that will prove this. It will help if you recognize that those feelings are already in you, and that your response to her is your unconscious mind trying to prove that your limiting decision is true.
Or another approach is to reveal to her how you are responding, with the idea of exploring what is going on emotionally for both of you. That depends on how open both of you are to exploring your emotional issues and how vulnerable you want to be with each other.
Know that her response of laughing at inappropriate times is an emotional defense system (not who she is as a person), which is covering over deeper emotions that she hasn’t been dealing with. It could be she laughs when she feels nervous, as many people do. Or she may laugh when something feels too painful to her. Your emotional response to her may be the catalyst she needs to start addressing this, if the relationship between you is important enough to both of you, to allow this emotional discomfort to push both of you toward your own transformation. The question then becomes, what is most important to you in this relationship — feeling good in the moment with her (which has run up against a snag), or approaching it from the perspective of personal growth, which could lead to a deeper more satisfying relationship.
* For a more in-depth explanation of limiting decisions, click here.
This is a part of the “Ask Jane” Series,
in which Jane answers questions
you email to her that of concern to you.
(Names are changed to protect your privacy.)
Just go to the “Contact Jane” page
and ask your question in the contact form.
This is a continuation of a dialog with Fellow Healer in New York, from an email/article he sent that Jane has been responding to as a mini series.
Fellow Healer expounded in a number of different ways about new age thinking and platitudes excusing or justifying unloving behavior. One example was his ex-girlfriend Katie’s response to his reaching out to her: “It was an intense preaching with angry undertones that I had no idea where it was coming from. No matter how you put a nice new age twist on it, or try turning the responsibility on me, her behavior toward me is plain ole strange. No matter how enlightened we get, our behavior can and will hurt others.”
“It’s kind of like having a ‘bad’ boss or a parent who may have hit you in your past. Something inside knows this is wrong. Yet you may have no ideas why the other is acting this way. All the new age platitudes do no good. The best thing that can happen is to feel and then from the feelings decide, ‘I can’t change them, but I will never treat someone the way that person treated me.’”
Jane: You experience Katie as being hurtful to you. But who is hurting who is extremely subjective. It appears Katie was feeling attacked on some level by you, or she wouldn’t have had such an angry response. People basically don’t attack other people unless they are feeling attacked. And people decide whether they are being attacked from within an extremely subjective internal experience. People’s experience of reality is very malleable and subjective, and greatly influenced and distorted by the limiting decisions they made. If you try to make sense of reality by judging the behavior of other people, you’ll find the ground you are standing on to be very shaky and unstable.
The issue here is the question: “What is the source of our pain and fear? Does it come from the external world around us, or our internal world?” I think the gist of what you keep saying, in various forms, is focused on proving that it comes from the external world. It comes from Katie, from invulnerable Katrina response team members, it comes from our unloving parents in our childhood, and so on.
What I am holding in place is that “Life is meant to work” — a fundamental perspective taught in A Course in Miracles, the Abraham-Hicks work, as well as other spiritual practices. I believe it to be the paradigm shift humanity is being pushed toward at this time. From that perspective I think what you’re grappling with has to do with the way you perceive the world. If you’re perceiving the world in a way that’s not working, there has got to be a limiting decision* in there. And it’s permeating your life, including your intimate relationships. It affects the experiences that you focus on in your life, as if this is the way the world is. And so you’re fighting it as if it’s these people or these ideas out there that are forming a dysfunctional world. But your experience originates from inside of you. It’s an unhealed pattern in you. And this perception that the external world is the cause of our pain is shared by, perhaps, most other people in the world, which is what is holding the old paradigm in place.
* For a description of limiting decisions, click here.
Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teachings
during Lita’s NLP Timeline Session 10-22-09
(Client’s name is change to protect her privacy.)
(Lita was describing an interaction in which several of her girl friends had views about how she is living her life that bumped up against how Lita sees it, and didn’t feel good to her. She felt judged by them. Lita is asking who’s to say who’s truth is better? Lita is also dealing with trust issues.)
“It’s not a matter of this person thinks this and the other thinks that, and that’s her point-of-view, that’s her truth — from which then follows the question of: ‘Who is to say which person’s truth is better?’
Each person comes from their own perspective, which adds richness to the truth of the whole situation. So different people’s perspectives are a wonderful gift. But people’s limiting decisions* cause them to be afraid of what is really true in reality, and so they develop emotional defense systems in order to control how reality is perceived in the areas of their limiting decisions*. But blocking present moment truth also blocks a person’s real contribution. Therefore people’s defense systems end up covering over the individual richness that people could be adding. So it only becomes a matter of whose truth is better when there’s an avoidance of truth. Otherwise each person’s perspective would add to a greater understanding of what is true.
The reason the issue of judgment comes up for you has to do with who is going to define reality. You seem to think that people can define reality and make it so. So whatever they say, then becomes the reality for you, which you then struggle against.
Because you are letting other people define reality for you, the issue of if they are or aren’t trustable becomes vital, because now you’re depending on how they define reality for you. And so if they fail or are not perfect in some way, that becomes dangerous for you. By letting someone else define reality for you, you are giving them the power over your experience of reality. So the limiting decision that people can’t be trusted easily follows from that because you’re expecting others to basically take on the responsibility of God, which no one can live up to.”
Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teachings
during Janine’s NLP Timeline Session 10-27-09
(Client’s name is changed to protect her privacy)
(Janine is in a career transition. She’s been a nurse for a long time, and is exploring other possibilities. She enjoys doing energy healing with people, but hasn’t tried to earn a living doing it, because she’s had limited success with the results.)
“The heart of the matter is the issue here for anything you’re trying to do, healing, whatever. In order to come into the heart of the matter, it takes faith in reality. It takes faith that what is really true, works, that there is a solution that can be found in what is really true.
What I’m talking about is different than the usual paradigm about faith. It has to do with walking into the unknown and being willing to see/experience what’s there. In a sense it has to do with faith because, it takes courage to walk into the unknown if you don’t already know what’s there. So it’s faith that it will be positive. But then it is looking at what’s actually there. It is walking into the center of experience, and looking at, and listening to and feeling what it is. This is, perhaps, scarier than the traditional idea of faith, where you don’t necessarily find out how things actually are. You just trust they are or will be good. You hope and pray that they will work. It’s not about walking into the unknown and opening your eyes, and seeing what’s there.
In day-to-day life, people put emotional defense systems up so they can avoid present moment reality, because they’re afraid that the truth is somehow against them, as represented by the limiting decisions* they have made. In the group process**, we move through the defense systems, which puts a person smack dab in the middle of their limiting decision*, where they get to find out what the truth is. And of course limiting decisions* are never true, so that’s what shows up.
So the faith involved, in that case, is to let go of the control in order to find out what the truth is. But once you’re facing the truth, you see what’s there. So it is not blind faith. That’s what coming into the heart of the matter is. You find out what’s actually there.
So it’s a further evolutionary step beyond faith. The less evolved concept is to just have blind faith. This new paradigm about faith is more empowered. It is having the faith to look at what’s true, and then you experience what is actually there. Now, if it weren’t true that life is meant to work; if it weren’t true that it is a benign universe; if it weren’t true that the divine is for you, not against you; then, from the human perspective, it might not be a good idea to experience what is actually there. It might be better to stay in blind faith. But since the truth is it is a benign universe, it is limiting decisions* that keep people wanting to be in the lala land of blind faith, and not wanting to step into the heart of the matter, the present moment, and experience what’s actually there.”
(Janine is saying that she believes that the way God originally created His creations was meant to work. And then it got corrupted, because once the creations were created, they were then on their own. So God created a perfect world, and then left it up to nature and humanity, as to what happens next.)
“Getting to the heart of the matter is what the most obvious thing in any situation is, by definition. But it’s extraordinarily difficult to get to in a lot of cases. Something that would be so obvious, for some reason, is extremely difficult to get to. There’s a human block against doing that. And we need to get to the bottom of why you, in particular, don’t do that. You think in terms of theories and explanations of why this and why that.
Mental theories or concepts for understanding how things work are not the same thing as coming into present here-and-now experience, and seeing what’s actually there. Your concept that once a creation of God is created, it’s on its own — is of a creator that is limited. A limitless Creator is in every cell and every vibration and every aspect of all that is. That would be an all inclusive definition of Creator or Divine, which is not how you are conceiving of it.
What I’m trying to get to is what will enable you to know that it’s safe to come into the present moment, into the heart of the matter — rather than believing that when you actually get to the bottommost reality of things, it won’t work, which seems to be where you’re at. When it comes down to it, you believe it just doesn’t work. You believe that people (the creation) are on their own, that it’s like a crap shoot. Therefore you don’t want to see what’s really there, and that keeps you from being grounded in the present moment, which then limits your ability to be an effective healer.”
(The next step for Janine will be to clarify what the limiting decision is that is causing her to avoid the heart of the matter, and do a Timeline Process to clear it.)
* Limiting decisions are negative decisions made unconsciously in early childhood, such as “I am bad, not valuable, stupid…” For a more complete description of limiting decisions, click here.
** “Group Process” refers to the “Shifting into Your New Consciousness” transformational group. For more information about the group, click here.
(Participant’s name is changed to protect her privacy.)
(During a discussion Melanie was saying she never learned how to respond with her vulnerable emotions.)
(To Melanie) “If you were not blocking being affected by someone’s vulnerable emotions, and having your own vulnerable emotions respond, you would naturally respond with your emotions. It’s not something you have to learn how to do. You are actively, on an unconscious level, blocking it. If you weren’t blocking it, it would happen.
I’m not saying you’re bad or wrong. I’m helping you get a sense of something that could cause an amazing transformation, that would allow you to have intimate, emotional relationships with men and women. I gather that relationships with people is very important to you. And so this is a process for you to get so you can actually do that. So rather than seeing this as you’re bad or you’re wrong, it is that you revealed where you are at, and I’m working with you to push you beyond that, so we can get you to the other side. You are too identified with your defense system as your value. And that is leaving behind your real value. I’m moving past your defense systems to the gold that is you, underneath the defense systems. That’s what I’m after. I’m not after making you feel bad or wrong. I’m after the real you that’s hiding behind the defense system. The problem is the defense systems keep you from evolving as a soul. And so as your desire to evolve as a soul gets stronger and stronger, the defense system gets more and more in the way, and so it gives you more and more impetus to get through the defense system. And getting through the defense system can feel like jumping off a cliff.
And on top of that there’s a large evolutionary force at play, other than each of our individual lives. This world is shifting, with the whole economic turmoil and whatever else may be raining down. People cannot remain comfortable in their defense systems any more. It’s time for major, major change. So if it’s not going to come internally, it’s going to come externally, because things have to shift and change, and so that’s part of what’s happening. People’s defense systems, even the really effective ones, are not going to continue to work. That’s a big shock for a lot of people. And a lot of people who have gotten away with feeling very normal as they are following all of the different rules — having their stocks in the stock market, and all of the different things you’re supposed to do to do well in the world. For a safe citizen following all of the rules, it’s a huge shock when those institutions are falling apart, because they’re having to make changes. And you could say people who have been struggling all of this time are not having as much difficulty as people who haven’t been, and now have to start changing.”
“A way of producing change is through relating in a group situation, in which you are out in the open about how you’re really responding to things, and then you find out whether your experience is in reality or not. People’s emotional defense systems are not fun for anybody else. In a group, people’s defense systems usually irritate other people — either someone may be talking on and on, or flooding the airwaves with excuses. People might be feeling bored when the person is talking, feeling it’s going nowhere. If you’re really honest about how you’re responding, generally something comes up in relation to the person’s defense system. And if people have the courage to reveal how they’re responding, then it intercepts the defense system. And you can have someone get really upset because someone has interrupted them, or someone has stopped them from doing this usual thing they do that makes them feel good about themselves or makes them feel accepted, or makes them feel whatever that is. Several people here have experienced that. And the defense systems cover over the limiting decisions*. And then the limiting decision* comes up, which is what you’re afraid is true. And so when the defense system is penetrated, and the limiting decision* comes up, then you are present in the here-and-now with the limiting decision*, which is what people spend their life trying to avoid, because they are sure that it is true. But when it gets brought up in the little community of the group, you find out that it’s not true. So it’s a way of coming into direct contact with reality, beyond your limiting decisions*.
The group is a different kind of social situation, in which instead of people going along with your defense systems or skirting around them, they are putting in the picture their own experience, which means the defense systems are no longer ruling. Out in the world people’s defense systems are ruling. They are basically creating cushions around themselves, where they are non-verbally saying ‘Don’t say this to me. Don’t look at me that way. Don’t talk about this subject.’ And people more or less go along with it because they don’t want conflict. Out in the world, it doesn’t often work well to butt up against someone’s defense system, because there’s no way to deal with it.”
* For an explanation of limiting decisions, click here.
(Participants’ names are changed to protect their privacy.)
(To Laura) “You have an energetic sense of what you’re trying to accomplish and it gives you a particular feeling that you’re after. And the same thing for you (Melanie). (To Laura) If you can get your point across, then you feel you’ve accomplished something. But what you’re trying to accomplish is not actually going to benefit you. And the same thing when you’re (Melanie) getting your point across, when you’re saying, ‘She did this, and she did that.’ You’re just venting when you’re doing that, and so you are not getting to what would really benefit you. You think what would benefit you is if you have a certain feeling sense that the group is paying attention to you, or supporting your view of things. So there’s an energetic goal of feeling a certain way, and then that becomes symbolic for you getting something. But it is not the real thing. So when a person makes a limiting decision*, such as they’re not lovable, or they’re not valuable, or they’re not acceptable, they develop a defense system that symbolizes to them being loved, accepted, etc. So if they can get people to respond certain ways, that means to them that they’re acceptable, or that means to them that the person loves them. Basically they do things to get a certain kind of response from people that symbolizes the thing that they made the limiting decision* that they can’t have. So it’s a substitute for the real thing, and doesn’t get anywhere. It’s like treading water.
And I think you (Barry) do something similar. You start talking and I can just see your whole expression shift, you’re energy shifts. And then you’re on a roll. The last time you were saying you were trying to feel accepted, and I think that was right on the mark, and so I think there must be a limiting decision* something along the lines that you’re not accepted. So you do a number of different things that will symbolize to you that you are accepted. But since it’s not the real thing, but a part of a defense system, people feel manipulated. So that’s the point for all three of you. When you’re functioning from that defense system, it feels to other people a manipulation, and it is. It’s not on purpose. It’s an unconscious thing. But emotional defense systems always are manipulations. People are manipulating each other right and left. This group is meant to uncover that kind of thing, because that’s treading water. It’s not really helping you.
And often when I stop a person from doing it, then what it triggers for them is the real limiting decision* underneath it. That’s when people tend to freak out when they’re stopped from doing that thing. Then they feel not accepted, or not valued, or not loved, or not respected. That’s what typically will come up, and so then there’s potential for transformation. As long as you get away with the defense system, as long as no one interrupts it, then everything feels fine. As long as Melanie can do that kind of thing and people go along with it, she doesn’t notice anything. And as long as you (Laura) can do this story telling and no one interrupts it, you feel that everything is fine — and the same thing with Barry — because the energy feels like a fix.”
(To Laura in response to her wanting everyone in the group to have a fixed time allotment.) “Because this group is dealing with the live energy, I can’t follow a format of 15 minutes for each person, going around the circle, and where you get to talk about whatever you want to talk about. That would be dead and it wouldn’t get anywhere, because this is about what is really happening in the present moment. So if you’re droning on and boring everyone to death, or if you’re completely avoiding the point, then that’s going to come up. And if you don’t have anything to say, than you can’t just say something just to fill in your allotted time. You can’t just talk for the sake of talking.”
* For an explanation of limiting decisions, click here.
Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teachings
during Lita’s NLP Timeline Session 9-24-09
(Client’s name is changed to protect her privacy.)
“You’re talking as though your triggered response is a reality response. That’s what people do. But I want to give you some clarity about that. It’s not about your ex-boyfriend being self-centered. It’s not about some outrageous thing occurring. It’s not about you standing up for your rights. It’s probably more about that you give and give and give for a particular purpose to get a certain thing back. And you think it’s going to work. And when it doesn’t work, you’re pissed. So you’re really pissed, not because he’s a horrible person. You’re pissed because there is something you do that is not in your best interest. You do it for a particular result you think you’re going to get back. And you’re pissed because you didn’t get it back. But you shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place. You did it for the wrong reason. And that’s the reason you’re pissed, not because he’s being rude. So let him be rude. It doesn’t matter, if it’s not triggering you. But it is triggering you. So that’s valuable information for you.
If you’re doing something that is not within your own enlightened self-interest, which is what you were doing, then you are out of Divine flow, because you’re not living from truth. You’re living from the control of the alternative self, which gets formed when you make limiting decisions*. That by definition, puts you out of Divine Order, or Divine truth. Then things keep on compounding and going along a path that has nothing to do with truth.
This is just the way the human psyche works. People are manipulating each other all of the time on subtle levels. It’s not on a level that people usually notice or see. So wherever there’s a limiting decision*, there’s a defense system defending the person against feeling the pain of the limiting decision*. This means there are certain kinds of behaviors people do to keep others away from the limiting decision*, which by definition is controlling other people. And people are doing it all over the place.”
* For an explanation of limiting decisions, click here.
