Transformational Teachings from Counselor Jane Ilene Cohen

From Highlights of Cherrie’s NLP TimeLine Therapy Session 7-17-09

Overview:
Cherrie has been going back and forth about whether she should sell her house or not for the past several months. She hasn’t wanted to let it go, but she really can’t afford to keep it. It is a very large, beautiful house in Solana Beach. She’s gone over the pros and cons many times. Selling it has felt to her like going backwards, as she felt it was a great accomplishment for her to have been able to buy it in the first place. But she’s in debt and the house payments are a huge burden that’s causing her a lot of stress to come up with the payments each month. She’s concerned she may eventually end up losing her house to foreclosure. She’s also having difficulty in her business. Things aren’t going well with her business partner, and she’s not wanting the stress of keeping on coming up with the funds to fulfill orders for her business, on top of her other financial burdens. She’d much rather work for other distributors and let go of his burden. If she sold her house, she could pay off all her debts and get back on her feet.

Cherrie said she was afraid of the new identity of not having her house and business. They make her feel successful. They give her the status of being successful. Without them she feels not confident, insecure.

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teachings: “The different back and forth arguments about whether you should sell your house or not — such as maybe you’ll never find another house like it — all of those different things that are maybe and maybe not, you could keep going back and forth about, but it’s hard to get a sense of what you really should do. The thing about your fear of foreclosure and your other worries, those are all human reasonings and human machinations. Depending on your perspective, selling the house could be a good idea, it could not be a good idea.

But when we get to the core, as we’ve just gotten to, then it gets much clearer what the real purpose and meaning of the house is, and therefore what you should do. We are finally seeing what the symbolism of the house is for you. And it is detrimental to you. It is holding in place a façade of status. It is holding in place an untruth, and that is why it ends up being a burden. It is something that is going against your higher self. It is pulling your energy and your resources, and holding together something that is really not benefiting you. That makes it much clearer that you really should give it up. You can always in the future buy another house, if that’s what you want to do, once you get yourself in the flow of life again, so that you are truly successful, from a good basis. But now that it’s become clear that the reason you’re holding on to the house is for a reason that doesn’t benefit you, it makes it clear that you should take action about giving it up.

About the subject of status: I’ve done many TimeLines, going into past lives with people. Often what happens is that generations of people find themselves in very poor circumstances, in which they are looked down upon by other people, and they feel not worthy of respect. Basically they feel like trash, like they are no good, and they make the limiting decision that they are worthless. And then somehow through the generations they start making more money and they can afford the symbols of status, which then to them means they have risen above their roots. But there is still the limiting decision in there that they are trash. So then they are leaning on the outward trappings to hide behind as the façade. And then they use it as a wall to separate themselves from other people so they’ll never be seen through as the trash that they believe themselves to be. And then they use their status to put other people down, and separate themselves from others that they view as trash, who symbolize themselves.”

(Cherrie said she came from a blue collar social position, and she succeeded and got all of the way up to owning a house in Solana Beach, and now she’s fallen back.)

“And the reason is you still believe you’re not as good as other people. And having the house won’t change that. Therefore it takes huge, massive energy, to keep pumping yourself up to get and maintain a house in Solana Beach, because you really believe you’re not good enough to have something like that. You’re fighting against an unconscious decision about who you really are. And so we’ve got to change the unconscious decision.

In this dysfunctional framework, what’s considered to be a valuable person is to have a good façade, and then you have to hold that façade up. So if you come from a family where the real thing doesn’t seem to be possible, the best you can do is get the façade of status. And then you convince yourself that the façade is who you are. And then you feel obliged to hold it in place, and do all of the things that that symbol would do. You grow up thinking you ought to be able to maintain that. So then what’s considered as an accomplished person is a person who can hold up the symbols of status. Then there are so many machinations around that, such as putting all kinds of weight on appearance — you have to always appear this way and this way in public. And this is the way you are supposed to act when you have company, and if you don’t, it’s really horrible. It means you’ve really failed in your duty to uphold this façade, and you just don’t make it as a human being. As a child, if you didn’t do the façade correctly, then it brought shame to the whole family, because it would reveal what your real roots were. And so it’s your duty to uphold this façade, and to succeed at it. And so there are generations upon generations upholding this façade, in order to uphold the honor of the family.

But there’s no thought of the possibility of actually being a worthy person accomplishing what really matters to you out in the world, because there is a limiting decision underneath it that you’re simply not as good as other people. That’s just the ground basis that’s underneath the whole thing.”

The limiting decision Cherrie cleared in the TimeLine process: “She’s not as good as other people.”
The first event in which she made the decisions: Two lifetimes ago. She is a beautiful woman. She is not going to be able to go to a big event because she is a peasant. It was an event celebrating the castle’s victory over another castle they had fought a war with. So she dressed up like royalty and snuck in. But she was caught and they burned her face, so that she was no longer beautiful. She then felt she had lost everything, because she didn’t even have her beauty left, because she had tried to get into a place that she wasn’t good enough for.

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s teachings during the TimeLine Process: “What I see is there’s a drama being played out here, a human construct about what constitutes value. The whole purpose of the event was it was a victory event of one group of people having a victory over another, as if that’s what the human relationship is supposed to be. ‘Me against you, my needs against your needs. I’m better than you, I have more power than you.’ It’s against true human nature, it’s against love, it’s against coming together and really enjoying each other, and really being nourished and loved. It’s a human construct, one of the different machinations that humanity goes through in it’s evolutionary process. If you look at that situation from a larger perspective, you can see that none of it had to do with any real value or any real benefit. If you were included in this scene, in which people were gloating over having won over other people, and in which people were in the costumes of their status, and pretending to be this and pretending to be that — what value is there really? What benefit do you really get from a scene like that, except to try to pretend that you’re something that you don’t believe you are. So that goal, instead of building value, is building a façade that is not feeding your actual value. You’re abandoning your value, and so therefore you can’t build on or evolve it to develop the magnificence that’s actually you, because you’re walking in the wrong direction.”

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teaching after the TimeLine Process: “You selling your house at this point has nothing to do with any kind of failure on your part. It has to do with you being ready for another step in your soul development. You are ready now to give up the symbolism the house held for you that has been holding you back. You selling your house is a step forward, not a step backwards. You weren’t ready for this to be a step forward before. Your vision has been clouded by the wrong focus, just like the girl in the past lifetime. Rather than building a true life for herself, based on her inner qualities, and rather than building on something that really mattered to her, she was focusing on this fantasy out there, with the king and princes and dukes and all of these different things, as if that would somehow give her something. And it had nothing to do with her actual life, or any real value or anything that she could build in reality. And so up until now, you’ve been focusing on status and doing things for the wrong reason, which the universe has not been supporting. It supported you for a while under certain circumstances that served you for a period of time. But it couldn’t last because the basis wasn’t on solid ground. It was headed in the wrong direction.

The fact that you’re a very talented, intelligent, resourceful woman, and a very good business person — you haven’t lost any of those things. And now those attributes are freed to move you toward what really does matter to you.”

Highlights of Cherrie NLP TimeLine Therapy Session 5-11- 09

Overview:

Cherrie’s business is now bringing in a lot more money. She’s not out of her financial hole yet, but she’s handling her circumstances better. She is staying in a resourceful place, and is much more in reality. She used to hype up her energy to make things happen and get things to be productive, and is no longer doing that. She no longer is propping up a fantasy about being a big designer with her own line. She now sees how much effort and money she used to put out in trying to do her business in this old way. Now she’s using a more realistic approach, with efforts that actually pay off. And she keeps looking for new and better ways of doing her business.

Cherrie also said she’s having trust issues with her business partner about money and his contribution.

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teaching in the process of clarifying the limiting decision to be cleared:

“If you made a limiting decision that the people you are dependent on only care about themselves, that causes you to recognize only that type of person as someone to be dependent on. And you don’t notice people who don’t fall under that category. That’s just the way it works. When you make a limiting decision it distorts your experience of what reality is. It’s distorts your experience of relationships in that area. Right now you’re relating to aspects of people that are congruent with this structure. It doesn’t necessarily mean that, when you clear this, you won’t relate any more to any of these people that are currently in your life that have this structure. You may be relating to them differently. You have basically been saying, on an unconscious level, ‘Take advantage of me in this way.’ And since they have a related, interlocking unhealed issue, they see an open channel in there and they jump right in. Whereas if that wasn’t in you, they probably wouldn’t go down that path with you at all. When we clear it, you won’t feel dependent on people who have this dynamic.”

The limiting decision Cherrie cleared during the TimeLine process: “The people she’s dependent on only care about themselves.”

The first event in which she made the decision: 10 lifetimes ago. She is a slave worker in China. Other people she worked with were being killed all of the time by the people who were making them work. She became extremely angry at those people. She decided that no matter what she did, it wasn’t ever going to be for herself. It was always going to be for the people she hated. Otherwise she would be killed.

Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s teachings during the TimeLine process:

“The form of dependency in this situation was of a boss and a worker in an extreme form, and a very limited and unevolved idea of what would benefit the owner. Your limiting decision was presupposing that this is the nature of people — that when someone is dependent upon another person, that other person doesn’t care about them, and only cares about themselves. But this situation was a part of a very dysfunctional pattern that was not personal to you or to them. How they were behaving didn’t necessarily reflect how they actually were as people. It was a system, something passed down, the way you are suppose to act, and it may not have had to do with how they really were in their heart. And this doesn’t have to do with the owners really caring about themselves. It was a part of the culture at that time. This is not the nature of how people are in relation to each other, but was representing a particular stage of evolution.

And you could say that that was the old business model, which people have, to a large degree, evolved out of, because it’s not very effective. The system where the boss squeezes as much out of the worker as they possibly can, works them as hard as they possibly can, gives them as little benefits as they can, and treats them like dirt, is not conducive to people being truly productive. And business models are evolving. It works much better to actually relate to your workers, care about them, and be humane in relation to them. It creates a much more beneficial system for all concerned, including the person in charge. What was happening at that time, when you made the decision, was a very unevolved model, which has nothing to do with the nature of dependency, and that humanity has and is growing out of. The whole dynamic of slavery is something that is widely recognized as not a good system, and certainly not an effective system.”

Further discussion after the TimeLine Process:

During the discussion after the TimeLine process it came out that Cherrie went along with her business partner changing the payment system, so she was now dependent upon him paying her, because he has the credit card mechanism. And he just went and took it. So he was breaking the trust with her by taking a unilateral action that had to do with taking the power.

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s teachings:

“Your partner should be dependent upon you, because it’s your inventory and business. And it’s turned around to somehow now you’re dependent upon him, and then you feel left holding the bag. You have given up your power. You have been putting yourself in the position of being dependent, for your survival, on others who are self-serving.”

(Cherie is suggesting actions she should take, like moving her inventory out of her partner’s house, where he is storing it for her.)

“No, don’t do a thing until the unhealed issue is cleared, and then you’ll see a path forward. If you try to take action before you clear the issue, you won’t know what action to take because it’ll be a part of the old dysfunctional structure. The action that you took in relation to what happened in the first place was because of an unhealed issue. It’s not about the specific action. The unhealed issue was propelling the action and structuring the whole event, and has been continuing to structure the whole event.”

(Cherrie was feeling upset that if she hadn’t done this she would have had money to pay people she owed money to sooner.)

“Life is meant to work. And you making these mistakes is part of your path. There’s no blame involved. You did the best you could with the tools you had in hand, with the insights and at the level you were functioning at. And now you’re ready for another step. All is not lost. It’s a part of a process. So you untangle this, you untwist it so you are coming from a clear place, and then life will open up what your next step is to do. I promise you have not messed things up beyond repair.”

(Cherrie said she feels she has to be perfect or everything is lost.)

“Things working doesn’t mean you have to be perfect from the start. Part of life working is that you are going through a process, and you will be making mistakes as part of having unhealed issues. As you clear them, the path forward will open up. The truth is that your partner needs you, and he doesn’t want to lose the opportunity with you. So you have a lot more power in this situation than you have given yourself credit for.”

Highlights of Cherrie’s NLP TimeLine Therapy session 5-20-09

Overview:

“As a result of the last session Cherrie has been feeling more in reality about how she has been relating to her business partner. She realized that instead of giving him the facts and details, she had been basically telling him what to do, and that was what was causing the distrust between them. She no longer is feeling she is left holding the bag, and that she can’t trust him. There no longer seems to be conflict between them.

Several other things occurred in the past couple of days that left her feeling melancholy, almost depressed in relation to her survival. She saw a TV show about two young kids who committed suicide. She felt shook up at her core by how easily two little boys could take their own lives. She also saw a psychic who said something was going to come to light about her boyfriend, Louis, that would make her feel differently about him. This caused Cherrie to question if she continuously creates fantasy about relationship. The psychic also said that her mother (who has recently passed on) was with her, wanting her to understand that there could be a reality beyond her perceptions.

Cherrie ended up feeling not so good about spirituality and life existence. She has been having random crazy thoughts, questioning life, the existence of life on a spiritual plane. It brought up unknown fears that relate to her childhood when she had very fearful beliefs in relation to the devil. And even though she has had a near death experience, so she knows there is something beyond this life, she has been having fears that there is nothing else but this physical life.

Somehow as a result, she started taking stock of things to see how she could make a plan for the next 5-10 years, to get a sense of her reality situation. She’s realizing she either has to sell her house or sell the condo she owns with her x-husband and some property in Florida, because there is no way she can earn enough money to pay for her mortgage and other expenses as they stand now. She has lived a level of lifestyle beyond what she was making. She created a situation that in reality she can’t sustain. It’s an overbearing financial burden. So she has been going over her records and computing how much she needs to sustain where she is, in order to make realistic decisions about what she should do.”

Transcript excerpts of Jane’s Teachings:

“We’ve been working to get you more and more in reality and out of fantasy, and you are getting more in reality. You’ve had a number of different defense systems keeping you out of reality and in fantasy, as a way of feeling a sense of well-being. And when the fantasy gets knocked over, you feel panicked.

And this is also significant on an evolutionary level at this particular point in time. When the illusion of reality that most people live in, that they think is what is really supporting them, when they go past it, it seems to be a really big transition. It is about shifting survival systems. And it can feel terrifying, because you don’t know what you can count on. At some point we recognize that the things we have been relying on to support us, such as how we bring money in — that we really can’t rely on it. You realize that this thing that to you has kept you alive — the things you really need — it has been an illusion that it’s something you could count on as your source. And who knows, maybe the Divine or the larger Intelligence holds this illusion in place, for as long as the person really needs it, until they’re ready to transition into a higher level of being. It’s sort of like a trick in a sense, or like training wheels. Somehow they make it work to whatever level you need it to work, even though it’s not really reality. It’s not the thing that is really supporting you. But as you’re ready, it’s like experience thins out and reality becomes more transparent, and you’re between the two worlds. And you begin to realize that your present world reality cannot really be relied upon as you’re ready to let go of it and move into the new one. So I think that’s where you’re at.

The issue is, you have not trusted truth and reality to support you. That’s been the problem and you have made up an alternative world that you depended upon that has to do with fantasy. I believe that is what your panic is about, because your fantasy world is crumbling for various reasons. And it’s causing you to be face to face with life without fantasy, which is the reality that you have been avoiding because you don’t trust it. And today we’re going to clear at least of chunk of that, and we’ll keep working on it until we clear the whole thing, because the reality is what is really supporting you, not the fantasy. The fantasy has been causing you to make decisions which have not been supporting you.

(Cherrie was saying, she always knew she could make money before.)

The way you’ve earned money before has been based on you functioning in a way that was against yourself. There were a number of things you were sacrificing in order to make this work. You were relating in certain ways to men, in which you were giving yourself away, and allowing yourself to be used. You were putting out huge amounts of energy to psych yourself up. You were creating fantasies all over the place. So in order to make this work you were paying a big price, and you were also being unrealistic financially. You were building a house of cards that eventually had to fall apart. So you were making money on a shaky basis, and on the basis that you were against yourself in a number of different ways. And so now when that whole system is breaking down, it is putting you in a panic, because you don’t think there is an alternative. And that has to do with limiting decisions. And when we clear them you will be able to live in abundance in a place that’s totally congruent with yourself, in which you don’t have to sacrifice a thing.

The limiting decision Cherrie cleared with the TimeLine process: “She can’t survive on her own.”

The first event in which she made this decision: One generation ago. She was a young girl and lived in a mountain town. Her arms were run over by a wagon. She survived the accident, but lost the use of her arms from her elbows down. She had to depend on other people to take care of her.

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s teaching during the TimeLine process:

“No one ever survives on their own. It’s always by the grace of God, whether you’re whole in body or not. In truth you were no less dependent in your handicapped state than you would otherwise have been, because our circumstances can change at any moment. The apparent physical circumstances are never what really sustains and supports you. You’re always being sustained and supported by a larger force than the human experience, regardless of what state you happen to be in at any particular moment.

The Universe is filled with resources, but limiting decisions can get in the way of you receiving them. So when you made the decision that you cannot survive on your own in reality, from that point on, you caused yourself to be dependent on others in a dysfunctional way. So then you felt as though you had to survive by putting yourself under others, so they would take care of you — or by manipulating them. Either way you were acting as if other people had the power over you. But if you look at it from the perspective that they are simply instruments of the Divine, then you don’t have to be other than who you are. You don’t have to distort yourself. You don’t have to give yourself away. You don’t have to create fantasies. You don’t have to do anything that’s out of reality, because it’s not other human ego selves that are in control of you. One way or another, the Universe will support you, through whatever means it chooses to. And so you don’t have to cave in to human ego demands in order to keep yourself surviving, because it’s not people who are supporting you.”

The limiting decision was cleared, and then the whole dynamic shifted for Cherrie.

Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teachings
during the “Shifting into Your New Consciousness” Group Experience 5-7-09

(Participant’s name has been changed to protect her privacy.)

(Cherrie was saying she has been getting really angry when her male house guest has been ordering her around, and demanding she get him tea, etc. And she has been rather rude in saying ‘no’ to him. She has been recently feeling she doesn’t want to put up with anything from anyone. And it’s been particularly coming up with men.)

(To Cherrie) “This probably has to do with a male-female paradigm, in which the man has the power and bosses the woman around. And the woman is trying to get empowered, and knows on one level that she shouldn’t be acquiescing to the man. But on another level, her insides are prone to doing the thing for the man because she really does think he has the power. So she has to fight someone about it, and she’s fighting him. If there wasn’t a power-struggle in there, on the part of the woman, she would just say, ‘No. It doesn’t seem appropriate for me to do it.’ or ‘No. I don’t feel like doing it.’

You’ve gone along with men acting like this before, because you’ve had such a thick defense system. But the defense system is getting shaken up, and is no longer serving you, and therefore you are more present emotionally and vulnerably in a way you haven’t been before. You’ve had a tough exterior. You’ve had a way of being in which no one could get through to you. You had a winning and engaging way of appearing, but you weren’t really available to be engaged with. But that’s been getting punctured. And now, you don’t have such a tough hide any more. And it’s enabling us to get to the stuff that we probably couldn’t have gotten to before. You had a very, very effective defense system that worked extremely well. And it’s hard to give up defense systems that work that well. Your defense system enabled you to function at a very high level in a lot of different areas, and you were skating along just fine. But it started crumbling a while back when you started getting in trouble financially. And then in the course of working through what was at the bottom of that, you were facing that you didn’t really care about people, which was extremely brave and honest of you to admit to yourself and me. And now we’re at a level that’s much deeper than before, where all of the things that have been pushing and pulling at you emotionally, and have been upsetting to you, that you can no longer defend against, you are now really having to deal with.”

Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teaching during
the “Shifting into Your New Consciousness” Group Experience 4-23-09

(Participant’s name is change to protect her privacy.)

(To Cherrie) “You questioned in the last group whether you are in integrity as much as you want to be. I think it’s very productive to be looking at that. We’ve pretty much gone past the place where you are much affected by what other people think of you. What I see is that you’re tremendously more in your power than you’ve ever been. And if someone has a negative response to you, it’s not that you’re letting them define reality for you, but you’re taking it as good information that can give you a clue about something you might want to look at. And now you can afford to take a deep look at yourself and ask, ‘Am I the way I really want to be in the world? Am I being really in integrity in my relationships with other people?’

I think there may be some decision in there that people aren’t basically honest and therefore you feel like a fool if you relate to people with integrity. You feel you will be taken advantage of. And you have been taken advantage of in your life. But the reasons you’ve been taken advantage of are probably not what you think.”

Highlights of Cherrie’s NLP TimeLine Therapy Session 4/27/09

Overview:

Cherrie is saying she finds herself always making things nice for someone else, and makes herself subservient. It seems to be OK for others to have more success than her, and she feels she’s supposed to help them get that way. She gave an example of a wealthy girlfriend of hers, who is having a luxury house built, and Cherrie has spent a lot of time with her, helping her pick things out for her house, and getting her discounts with Cherrie’s wholesale license.

Cherrie’s mother was often not there for her when she needed something, because her mother was always doing something for other people in order to impress them. She was more interested in impressing people than really engaging with anyone. The only way her mother engaged was when she wanted something. Her mother would try to get Cherrie to do things for her by either rewarding her if she did, or punishing her if she didn’t. It was OK for Cherrie to do things for her mother, but not for herself. And that has been the way it has been in her business. She is better at selling other people’s merchandise than her own.

Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teachings:

“There seems to be some issue about you thinking the way people interact is to take advantage of each other, that that’s the savvy or smart thing to do. And if you are relating in integrity instead, you’re going to be taken advantage of and made a fool of. And so you engage in this game of one-upping the other person and coming out on top, almost as an entertaining game. And it’s something you’ve played with Louis a lot. And that covers over the whole purpose of the interaction in the first place. It makes it what it’s not. You lose the meaning of the interaction, whether it’s personal or it’s business. In business, the purpose of the interaction is some kind of business exchange, in which you are dealing with actual information and figures and products and potential and possibilities. If, instead, you’re focused on outmaneuvering the other person, like a cat and mouse game, you’re not really dealing with the actual potential there. You’re dealing with who can outmaneuver the other person, which then distracts you from what the real potential of that situation is. It certainly doesn’t serve you, whether it’s in terms of business or personal. It doesn’t further anything or open up possibilities.

As often happens with people, you are using your strength as a part of your defense system. You’re really good at the game you play, and there’s probably a real talent there that could be very useful for you. Your strength is going into this, sidetracking you into something that’s not serving you. Its purpose is to keep you from being engaged, or hurt, or taken advantage of.”

(Cherrie was asking if this means she’s invested in things only be her way.)

“No, I don’t think it’s about your way at all. When you’re doing this, you have no idea at all about what your way is, or what really benefits you. The process of evolution has to do with getting more and more in touch with what really benefits you, as opposed to an ego motivated kind of thing that has nothing to do with what actually benefits you.”

(Cherrie asked if her doing all of this stuff for her girlfriend, which leaves herself out of the picture, was part of the game.)

“I don’t think that was the game. You didn’t have that kind of a charge doing it as you do when you are playing the game. It may be what you do that feels to you like integrity. I think, when you’re being vulnerable, you too easily give yourself away, too easily devalue yourself, Neither this not the game you place is in reality. They are both sides of the same coin. There’s a common limiting decision holding both of them in place, I would guess.

Whether you’re playing the game or giving yourself away, you do it rather than really engaging. It seems you have a limiting decision that you either can’t engage, or it wouldn’t be good if you did it, from someone’s point-of-view. Engaging is vulnerable. Engaging means that you’re heart connected. Engaging is really being present. It’s trusting, it’s loving, it’s knowing that everyone wins.

If a person is just out for themselves, and takes advantage of other people — and I’m guessing your mother may have been like that – then the only way to connect with a person like that, in their terms, is to give them what they want, i.e. let them take advantage of you. From a child’s point-of-view, that equates to unconditional love.”

(Cherrie said what she did was disengage from her mother and feel superior to her.)

“So what you do now with someone you want to engage with is you relate to them the way you would have had to relate to your mother in order to engage with her, which is to give yourself away to her. Your mother who had a very weak ego, required that in order to feel good about herself. You didn’t engage with her because you convinced yourself that you didn’t need to. Maybe you related to your father instead. (Cherrie said she did.) But if you want to engage with someone, that is how you do it, by giving yourself away. So you relate to, perhaps, substitutes for your mother, or people who now represent what you wanted from your mother. And the way you relate to them is the way your mother would have required you to relate to her, if you were going to relate to her. The actual engaging between your mother and you that had an emotional element to it, was when it was in that gamey sort of a way, when it was like teasing or a game of who can outmaneuver whom. That was as close to love as it got. The only thing that was other than that was, ‘You do this for me, and I’ll do that for you’ kind of a thing, which was not emotional. But your mother jazzed it up a bit, she spiked it up by having this playfulness about it, which you were good at, and so you learned to enjoy it. And to you, that’s what constituted love.

Your mother tried to get you to do things for her, because she couldn’t do them herself. She was incompetent. She needed these things from you. I guess she couldn’t ask your father, for whatever reason, and maybe was ashamed to ask her friends. She probably would have put down anybody who was in the same position she was in.

I imagine your father was not emotionally available. (Cherrie said he wasn’t, and asked it if was a typical male thing to be unengaged emotionally.) It’s often an area of challenge for men. It seems to be an evolutionary process for men to become more connected to their emotions.

(Cherrie said men seem to like to relate to her.) You’re not threatening to the kind of men you are attracted to, because you’re playing the same game they are, rather than relating and being available emotionally. There’s no real potential of coming together in a committed relationship with you, which is safe territory to a man who hasn’t evolved the female aspect of themselves.

I think the limiting decision that we’re dealing with is that you have to get rid of your self in order to engage, which encompasses the two ends of the spectrum that we’ve been talking about. One end is the invulnerable game you play, and the other is giving yourself away in order to engage.”

The limiting decision Cherrie cleared during the TimeLine process: “She has to give up her self in order to engage. And engaging equals survival.”

The first event in which Cherrie made this decision: She was a newly born baby, in a bassinette in the living room. Her parents had left her alone because her dad wanted to have sex with her mother. Cherrie was awake and crying and cold and no one came. Cherrie’s dad was jealous that her mom was spending so much time with Cherrie, and was pressuring her mom to engage with him instead. Her mom didn’t want to leave Cherrie. Cherrie saw her mom give herself away in order to do that for her dad. He used the fact that he was the provider to pressure her mom. So engaging became, for Cherrie, equal to survival.

For Next Time:

The limiting decision that still needs to be cleared is “The person she’s dependent on only cares about him/herself.”

Cherrie said she is feeling calm and confident in her business and in life in general. She’s been traveling to shops all over the country, selling her product — which she hasn’t done in 20 years. She is also selling two other lines from other companies on a commission basis. Her energy seems to have shifted so much that she’s getting much better responses than she’s ever had. And she hasn’t gotten a single ‘no’ when she has been out there personally selling the products. She’s also very much enjoying it. Her finances are steadily increasing, moving her closer to being on solid financial grounds. In addition to her business, she has two paying roommates at her house, and gets paid for playing her violin in occasional gigs. She feels she is on the right track, and building up something solid.

Highlights of Cherrie’s NLP TimeLine Therapy Session 3/9/09

(For information about TimeLine Therapy, click here.)

Progress Reported:

Cherrie is feeling much more stable emotionally, because of the work we’ve done. She also feels a lot more realistic about what the possibilities are in her business, and in how she views others. She is still helping people, which she likes to do, but now she is receiving something back as well. Before she did things for others to get them to like her.

Cherrie: “In the past we’ve worked on limiting decisions about me leaning on others, or only being able to figure out where abundance could come from, from limited logic — thinking it had to be a certain way, and requiring certain steps. Now I’m a lot more open, or there seems to be a channel that’s more open to believing that things can happen without me having to make it, control it.”

Jane: “And therefore things are coming from sources or directions that you wouldn’t expect them to.”

Cherrie: “Very unexpected. When I was on this trip, a friend called in an emergency situation, leaving a message, saying he needed to get out of this one place. He asked if he could come and stay at my home. I heard his message, thought about it, called him back and told him, yes, I would be able to let him stay there, but that I needed to get $30 a day for him to stay there, and he could stay x amount of time.”

Jane: “This is a total change from how you would have handled it before.”

Cherrie: “It came really easily and naturally to me. ‘I would need to get paid so much per day.’ ‘Well how much?’ ‘I think $30 a day is a fair amount. What do you think is a fair amount? …’ And so that was unexpected abundance.”

Beginning Overview:

Cherrie was feeling upset by her brother and father, who have been critical of her about her financial situation. In her family the man is who you leaned on when you needed something. But her father was not there for his children, and so the girls in the family leaned on their brother. Their mother was incapable. Cherrie recently tried to lean on her father to help her out financially, and although he did help her some, he was very critical of her, and clearly didn’t want her to lean on him. He acted as though she is this big disappointment.

Cherrie also had a talk with Louis (her boyfriend) about commitment. He asked why she was so serious all of the time. He said he wants to see how things go, and is not ready to make a commitment. He said if she said she got involved with someone else, he would be OK with it and just move on. Cherrie could see that she clearly can not depend on the relationship. She was upset about this at first, but then realized she actually felt OK or neutral about it. She likes his friendship, and the closeness and good feedback she gets from him, and she is very sexually attracted to him. But she no longer is feeling obsessive about the relationship and having to pressure it to be either on or off. Now that she finally got him to say where he is at, her options feel open. She was restricting herself before because she was in a fantasy about the relationship. She is now realizing Louis has unhealed issues and may not be available for what she really wants. Before she thought there was no one out there for her, and now she knows she’s as much a gift as the other person.

Cherrie’s thinking that she may be giving Louis more credit than is really true because of the financial picture he creates for her. She said she sees Louis deal with business things on a larger scale or in a way that she doesn’t perceive. He’s out there functioning in reality in a way that doesn’t even occur to her. Like Louis, the men she generally has gone out with say they want to treat her, and then they don’t. She evidentially still believes the man is the one with the money. She thinks she has to surround herself with powerful men in order to have money. Her relationship with Louis is almost totally about having sex, rather than having dates and him treating her to things. They don’t do anything that is in connection with other people. She is not calling him as much, since that conversation. And since she has backed off somewhat from him, he is now offering to take her places.

The limiting decision Cherrie cleared through the TimeLine Process: “The man is the provider in reality.”

The first event in which the limiting decision was made: She was 6 years old. Her dad had bought a new car. It was a big, beautiful shinny car. She watched him drive up with it, and was aware of how important that was to them as a family. It was a happy, impressive occasion for her. She thought if it weren’t for her dad, they wouldn’t have the car, the house or anything. Her mom was fun and creative, and her dad was serious and provided the basics.

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teachings During TimeLine:

Male-Female Paradigm

“There’s a plus and minus for a man feeling he has to be the sole provider. The plus (which is not in reality) is carrying this heavy load is something he can get mastery of, something he can feel in control of, so it makes him feel powerful. But it comes from not really feeling secure about being a man, and can only be done by repressing a lot of other stuff. And eventually it’s likely to fall apart, because the burden and sacrifice is too great.

For some reason your mother had some channels blocked that would have connected her to reality. It’s not that women can’t do that. It’s that your mother was particularly dysfunctional in this area. So your decision was based on how your viewed your parents. But they are individual people with their own individual issues. It’s not really about men and women in truth, in general. It’s just a particular outdated role that people in that era were playing. And it’s clearly no longer true. The world has evolved past that, even though there are still some deep cultural limiting decisions in that regard. But women have proved that they can function in reality, just as well as men can. And the female perspective is a very important ingredient in evolving that whole dysfunctional paradigm.”

Highlights of Cherrie’s NLP TimeLine Therapy Session 3-18-09

Overview:

Cherrie decided to let the guy who was temporarily staying at her house, stay on as a paying roommate. He also provided financial backing for her business, loaning her money, with no interest, which will enable her to buy products. A girl is also moving in, which also brings in more income. So she is now able to pay her basic bills, and is feeling much less stress, so she can operate her business.

She realized in February that being late with house payments is not as disastrous as she had thought, which means she can leverage her money by buying products with the money first. That has helped her catch up. She’ll be caught up on her house and other payments by the end of the month.

She’s looking for other job possibilities in her industry, and business is picking up. Several things are happening, avenues opening up. She feels more confident.

Louis offered to pay Cherrie $1000/month to put his father in one of her rooms, and maybe he’d live at her house also. In the conversation she really listened to what he was saying, and was feeling much more in reality. She realized he was actually not offering any more of a committed relationship, even if he moved in. She had already rented the room to a girl (although for less money), and so decided to go with that. In the past she would have interpreted what he was saying as he was offering a committed relationship, and therefore would have dumped the new girl, so she could be with Louis. But in listening to him, she realized that him moving in wouldn’t actually change the commitment issue for him.

However, she still thinks there is some possibility of something long-term in the future. Sex with him is tied to the idea that in the future there will be more commitment between them. But she feels less obsessive about it. She is contacting him less, and doing other things she wants to do instead. She is thinking more about it before calling him, and so is being more reality-based, and that is affecting him.

Cherrie was saying if she started seeing someone else, even if she was sleeping with him, she probably wouldn’t tell Louis, because she’s not sure he’s not already seeing someone, and having sex. She doesn’t trust he’s being completely honest with her.

Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teaching:

“What does Louis possibly already seeing someone else, and having sex with them, have to do with you not telling him if you sleep with someone else? It sounds like an escalation of defendedness. You’re staying connected with him from an increasingly more defended place. It’s disconnecting and puts another wall up. It’s like a game.

(Cherrie asked if there is anything wrong with that.) I don’t know, but it’s not moving you toward what you really want, which is a committed relationship with him. Both of you are putting up more and more walls. We don’t know what the truth is. All we know is what you suspect he’s basically a good talker — basically a liar. You don’t believe him, or you don’t know if you should believe him. And he’s making it clear, at least right now — and he’s never given you any other indication for the future — that he is not willing to increase the commitment level. So that’s a wall right there. And so in response, you are putting up walls. But still you like the sex and friendship with him, and so you stay connected while building up more and more walls. Now that is not only moving in the opposite direction of intimacy with him, but it may also be getting in the way of you getting into the kind of relationship you really want.

(Cherrie was asking what it means that she doesn’t want to give that up.) It means there is still an unhealed issue in there. I am not telling you what to do. It just sounds like there is something that is not congruent in there. And there are some things about it that you don’t seem to want to look at. Maybe you don’t want to be in a vulnerable, committed relationship with anyone.

You are saying the man pays a lot of attention to you before you have sex with him, with the idea that you’re going to have sex with him. But after you have the sex, he pays much less attention to you. And if you don’t have sex with the man, he’s not going to give you any attention because he’s going to go have sex with someone else.

Getting attention is what is hooking you. So, to you, commitment is actually about getting attention that you can count on. You don’t believe that it is possible to have a long-term, vulnerable, loving, committed, trusting relationship with a man. So what you do instead is enjoy the games, enjoy the sex, and enjoy the attention. And you play games so you don’t get hurt. You play men off against each other, rather than being open and honest with any of them. You play the games so you always have someone you can connect with, but without putting yourself in a position to be hurt.

You’re still holding on to Louis even though he’s given you no indication that there’s any future to it, because you’re getting the goodies that you want, which is some attention and sex. And now he’s given you license to go even further, which is to have sex with other people, or get attention from other people. And so that’s what you’re living on, and there’s no vulnerability, no commitment, no real heart engagement.

The difference is now there’s less obsession about it, and less complication. Before, besides the getting attention, you were also depending on the guy in order to feel financially safe. So that was another reason why you would connect with men, for the feeling of financial safety. We’ve cleared that so that’s not in the picture any more, which actually now releases a sense of power and of fun for you in your relationships with men. So now you’re getting the sex and the attention, without the stress of being concerned about if they will take care of you or not, because you no longer feel dependent on men for that anymore. So it appears this is now bringing us to another level of depth about your real relationship with men, where your defense system is. Now that you’re not getting all of these dysfunctional benefits, and the ones you’re getting are clearer, we’re getting to see perhaps the root of what’s not working for you in relation to men. When you take away all of the dysfunctional benefits of financial support, and also the sex in order to get attention, then we get to how you really feel toward men, which is you don’t trust them. You’re saying that you’d like to be friends with men, but they won’t be friends without sex. So that still leads us to the place where — friends is good, but when it comes to sex and intimacy and connection, that requires you being vulnerable, and you’re afraid of being vulnerable, because you’re afraid of being hurt. That’s the bottom-line for you in relation to men. This is the reason you’re in a relationship with a guy like Louis.”

(Cherrie is saying that she didn’t realize that when she met Louis.) “That’s because it’s happening on an unconscious level. Consciously you have in your mind the scenario of vulnerability, and commitment, and trusting that you think you want — but, in fact, you don’t go for a man with whom this is really going to happen. You’re hooked on a man who has made it clear that this is never going to happen. But you’re still holding onto the fantasy that someday it may happen. At the same time, you’re not doing what a person who is really interested in a committed relationship would do, which is to be honest with him. Instead you’re building further walls by being dishonest with him. It’s not just that you’re not being honest because you don’t trust men, but I think you’re not being honest because you don’t want to be in a vulnerable relationship with any man. So there’s a part of you, it seems, that doesn’t want this to develop into a real intimate relationship. That’s the reason you are not being honest with him. It’s not only that you think he won’t go for it, which he probably won’t because you are attracted to men who won’t be in a long-term, committed relationship.”

Further Overview

At the trade show, a rep Cherrie was showing her products with let her go, and it hurt her feelings. Instead of thinking there may be someone better for her products, she thought she must have done something wrong, that she wasn’t good enough for this guy’s show room, or that her designs aren’t good enough to sell. She can sell someone else’s stuff better than her own, because she doesn’t see hers as being as good as someone else’s.

Limiting Decision cleared during TimeLine Therapy: “Her abilities are not as good as other people’s abilities.”

The first event in which the decision was made: She was 8 years old, in her art class. She made an underwater picture that she put a lot of effort into, and she thought it was really good, but her teacher didn’t give her as good a grade as another girl. She got a B. This was the first time she had the experience of a comparison of another person’s work with hers. She felt the teacher didn’t notice her efforts or appreciate her. She really liked the teacher, and he was a good-looking man.

Transcript excerpt of the teaching Jane gave during the TimeLine Therapy process:

“You confused your emotional relationship with your teacher with his role of grading your project for the sake of you learning and growing. If you wanted to know on what basis he graded your picture, or what was less good than it could have been, you could have asked and he could have told you, and it could have been a learning process for you. But instead you were devastated because you made a decision there was something inherently wrong with you, which is not what this is about at all. The whole idea of school is to learn. If you were at the top when you began, there wouldn’t be any place to go. But instead of seeing that there are possibilities and ways forward, you shut down the possibility of moving forward and getting increasingly better.

And this somehow relates to your relationship with men now. You don’t really explore the truth of it, you just play a game, not really believing that inherently you’re as good. You never find out because you’re avoiding really being present in the relationship. This makes it more of a power-struggle rather than a growing, and learning, and knowing that you can continue to grow and excel.

Highlights from Cherrie’s TimeLine Therapy Session with Jane

(For a definition of TimeLine Therapy, click here.
For a definition of Limiting Decisions, click here.)

Overview:

Cherrie is very excited about a business possibility that is coming up. The daughter (Gwen) of her former housemate is being signed on with a wholesale company developing a new line, in the same industry Cherrie’s business is in. Gwen really feels aligned with Cherrie and values her expertise in the field. She asked Cherrie to be a part of the team she is putting together, as a consultant in the areas Cherrie really loves about the business — product development, watching trends, production, etc. And she wouldn’t have to carry the burden of the parts of the business she really doesn’t like. The business is owned by 3 guys who are already successful, one of whom is a celebrity and so they have his name as a valuable resource in the business’ success.

The company is going to pay Gwen what she earned in her previous job. Gwen asked Cherrie how much salary she wanted, and Cherrie told her a small amount. Gwen said that was ridiculous and that she should ask for much more. (Cherrie brings years of expertise and skills to the table.) This is similar to what happened when Cherrie did the recording for her musician friend, Gregory, and brushed off him paying her, and didn’t even have an idea of what people usually get paid for that.

Excerpt of Jane’s Teaching: “The difficulty is that you don’t come into reality now. It’s pie in the sky in the future, rather than finding out what’s really true now. There’s something that’s stopping you from getting clear about this. You don’t get clear about how much you would be earning in this new potential job. You’re going to be doing a whole bunch of free things, with the idea that somehow in some fantasy imagination you’ll get something. But you don’t expect anything now, and now is all there really is. So you don’t come into reality about your worth, or what is the potential for the situation right now. You leave it all in the other person’s hands to decide how much it will be, and when and if they’re going to give it to you.

The money is a measure of how much you’re worth. But the idea of putting a dollar value on it is upsetting to you, as if you are putting a dollar value on your intrinsic worth as a person. It looks to me that the limiting decision is that you’re not valuable, and this comes out when the idea comes up of someone paying you for the work you do. If you felt totally valuable as a person, then you wouldn’t confuse your value with asking for a dollar amount for the work you are contributing.”

Limiting Decision Cherrie cleared with the TimeLine Process: “Other people are more valuable than her.”

The First event in which the decision was made: Three generations ago, when she was a small boy and part of a migration of people in a wagon train. There wasn’t enough room for everyone, so he (she) was dumped and left behind to die.

After TimeLine Process:

The subject came back to Cherrie’s relationship with Louis and the fear she has had of asking him where he really is in the relationship. She has feared that he is more valuable to her than she is to him. Now, having cleared this issue about her value, Cherrie is realizing that the way things currently are is not enough for her.

(Cherri asked Jane if she should just decide, “this isn’t good enough for me” and move on from her relationship with Louis.)

Excerpt of Jane’s Response: “No, you should have a conversation with him. This is the mistake that most people make. When they finally come down to the reality of the situation and what they really want, they just walk away, rather than saying where they are and giving the other person the chance to respond. Being in dialogue is putting yourself in the picture, and it also puts the whole thing in a larger frame-or-reference, where the Divine can come in. You put yourself out there about what is important to, and true for you, so the person knows where you stand. They’re affected, which may or may not change where they are. And then they come back to you with what their response is. This is having a dialogue, which allows both of you to be moved, and influenced and changed, but while also staying true to yourself. What’s important to you may end up not being really where he can go, but that’s not a forgone conclusion, and there’s transformation that can happen in the process. (Cherrie is saying she’s never gotten clear about this because she’s afraid that he’ll say, “No.”) The only reason you see this as a problem is that you don’t see any alternative. You must have a decision that no one is really going to want to be in that kind of relationship with you. Therefore you’re settling for the fantasy.

What we cleared today has to do with your value. Not being worthy of being truly loved seems to be the next issue to clear. It seems to be related to business because it appears you have confused how you relate to business associates with your personal relationships, having to do with your value. So you are wanting to prove that you’re truly loved through your business contacts, as well as everything else. That may be one of the reasons you tend to do things for free.”

1/28 Wednesday: Highlights of Cherrie’s TimeLine Therapy Counseling Session with Jane
(For a description of “TimeLine Therapy,” click here.
For a description of “limiting decisions,” click here.)

Overview: Part of Cherrie’s confusion about how to move forward in her life is whether to keep or sell her house. In discussing this, Cherrie realized that if she left San Diego she wouldn’t miss anyone. She was shocked to realize that people don’t seem to matter to her, especially since this is so much in contrast to the personality she projects. She also realized that, to her, love equates doing something financially for the other person, which is probably why she so often is financially taken advantage of by the men she gets involved with.

The Limiting Decision Cherrie cleared during the TimeLine process: “Money is love and it is what causes people to matter.”

The first event in which she made this decision: Before she was 1 year old, when she was christened.

1/30 Friday: Cherrie woke up this morning in a panic and was very depressed. She didn’t know why.

2/2 Monday: Highlights of Cherrie’s TimeLine Therapy Counseling Session with Jane

Overview: Cherrie further described the feelings she had Friday of being in her big house all by herself, with no one to help her, and having all of these financial problems. She was also realizing that she still does not care about people, and that she feels it is dangerous to need people.

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teachings:

About Cherrie having gotten into such a deep depression after the previous session:
“We cleared ‘Money is love and it is what causes people to matter’ on Thursday, and Friday you woke up in a very negative state. It appears that your defense system about people not mattering to you, up to when we cleared this, made substitutes for love acceptable to you. And now you’re finding that people really do matter to you, because the defense system keeping you disengaged from people is breaking down. And now the impossibility is coming to the surface between what you really want, and what you believe is possible. The limiting decision that has just surfaced is that it is dangerous to love people. You made that decision and then built a substitute way of relating to people that symbolized love to you, but felt safer because you thought you could control it. And you convinced yourself that that was love, because you had given up on the real thing. But now you are in a position where you are face-to-face with the results of that defense system.”

The limiting decision Cherrie started out clearing during the TimeLine process was: “It is dangerous to love people.”

But it turned out to be: “Needing something from someone gives them power over you.”

The first event in which she made this decision: As a child one lifetime ago in pre-Nazi Germany

After the session Cherrie worked out and was feeling really good. Then she visited with a girlfriend who is wealthy. (The girlfriend knows her dire financial straits but has never offered to help Cherrie.) They were joking around, and out of the blue, the friend offered to loan Cherrie $2000, which will allow Cherrie to buy the merchandise she needs in order to fulfill orders to keep her business going.

2/3 Tuesday: Highlights of Cherrie’s TimeLine Therapy Counseling Session with Jane

Overview:
Cherrie said that in the morning she woke up still feeling alone, but person after person kept calling her. One of them was Gary, who asked her to record some music with him, which he would pay her for, and also asked her to be in a gig this coming Friday, which she will presumably get paid for as well. (On 12/9 Cherrie had cleared “If I shine it is taking away from others.” The way she met Gary was a week after clearing this, she was playing her violin out in a parking lot with some friends, and Gary heard her and asked her to be in his band. And she has been making a little money on and off from that ever since, with unknown possibilities for the future.)

Cherrie also got a call this morning from her realtor who recently put a property on the market for her, telling Cherrie it’s now listed in the MLS book, and that there is a good prospect for buying it. Previously, Cherrie had gone through a long drawn out process for getting a loan on that property, which eventually fell through. It seemed at the time that all there were were closed doors in her life, as she was trying to deal with her financial situation. Now door after door keeps opening up. Many opportunities are now in motion.

Cherrie was still feeling confused about where she wants to live, or if the reasons she wants to hold onto her house are coming from a clear place. She also feels confused about her boyfriend. She is falling in love with him, but has questions about his integrity, and he has recently said that he doesn’t intend to marry anyone — even though at the very beginning of the relationship they both said marriage was what they were looking for.

Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teachings:

Holding the Reality Ground with Louis:

“What will be really important for you is for you to hold the reality ground with Louis. For you to stand on what is true, because right now he has been able to manipulate you so you give up your sense of reality — although you are doing amazingly better. Because you are drawn to him and feel you love him, the temptation is to compromise in some way. In other words, if you don’t want to be in the relationship on the terms that he is saying, i.e. if you don’t want to have sex with a man who is not interested in a committed relationship, or is not capable of it, then you have to stand on that, and then the ball is in his court. That lets him know where you are at, rather than this hazing fantasy thing that most people get into, in which there is no standing in truth, and you will be stuck in limbo land for God knows how long.

You are giving up your power to Louis, as if you are waiting for him to define reality for you, rather than you standing where you are standing. So he still knows that he has the power in the relationship, and that means he doesn’t have to shift his stance. But when you stand where you are standing, presuming that he really does care about you, and I think he probably does, it’s going to put a lot of pressure on him to make some changes, if he’s open to that. And if he’s not, then there’s no future in it for you anyway.

Doing this takes faith that life is meant to work. Generally people are certain that if they don’t control the outcome, life won’t work. And that really screws things up. You are in the midst of proving that life is meant to work to yourself, and (by making your process public) to many other people. Every time we clear a limiting decision, a piece of your life starts working better and better and better.”

Cherrie: “I was able to manifest things, and achieve things before we cleared any limiting decisions.”

“Unhealed issues sometimes don’t show up because the current structures are still supporting them. In the case of your limiting decision that ‘you need a man to succeed:’ When you were in partnership with your husband you were doing well financially. That was your experience when you were with a man. But you weren’t experiencing what happens when you are not with a man. When you no longer were with your husband and tried to be in business on your own — even though you had done most of the work when you were in business with him — you started getting more and more in trouble, further and further in debt. So you were then in a situation in which the limiting decision would surface, and it did.

After your divorce you were living in a fantasy that you still had the support of your husband, and so you were spending money as if you were somehow connected to a man.” Cherrie: “And it seems I have been looking for someone to replace him all of this time.” Jane: “And so when you didn’t have a man, and the old ways you had of getting connected to a man didn’t work, and you finally discovered how incongruous and dysfunctional and painful that old way is, then it came to a head and you had to come face-to-face with the limiting decision.

Change often doesn’t happen until you’re forced to because the old structure no longer works. This is because change often feels like you are jumping off a cliff. Because of the limiting decision, you don’t do what would be realistic to do, because the limiting decision causes you to believe there is no resource or possibility there. Therefore, thinking of going in that direction seems very foolish. And very possibly if you went in that direction anyway, since you didn’t see the opportunity, it wouldn’t work because of the way the limiting decision has structured your experience of reality.”

–

This Work is a Collaboration:

“This is a collaboration between you and me, and between me and the other people I am working with. You couldn’t be going this far and doing this well, if you weren’t willing, ready and open to it. I can only facilitate change to the level that a person is open and willing to go. You bringing up your issues inspires the work. It catalyzes the information that is coming through me. It brings to the surface the impossibility that is living in your unconscious mind, caused by your limiting decisions that you have skirted over by various defense mechanisms.”

–

Trusting Truth to be in your Best Interest:

“If you stand truly where you are, you basically are trusting the Universe, you’re trusting whatever is really true to work out in the best interest of everybody. Most people don’t believe that. And so people go around trying to manipulate other people and situations. Just like Louis is doing with you. He tells you what he thinks you want to hear so that you will stay with him. Although, he’s started telling you a bit of truth, because his back is to the wall, because you are expecting more from him (in terms of commitment). And because what you are asking of him is a total trigger to him, he’s feeling forced to tell you where he really is. But he is trying to maneuver to both have you and to also stay in his old structure, because he doesn’t believe that if he stands in truth it will work out well.

Truth requires transformation to work out well. Otherwise standing in truth will put you in conflict with your old dysfunctional structures. This means giving up what feels like control. What people think of as control is in the domain of the alternate self (the ego self), created when their limiting decisions were made. People think that’s the safety, because it is what they think they already know, but it’s really the opposite of safety. At some point after clearing whatever we have to clear, you will realize, and it will be solid ground to you, that life does work; so then you can live more fully from a place of truth, and allow the changes to occur without trying to control them.

I’m trying to get to you being able to communicate to Louis the truth of where you really are at. And you are tempted to water things down, to not really say where you are at because if you do, you’re afraid you’ll lose him. But as we’re seeing, that’s not going to really work. So we want to clear whatever’s in your way to you standing where you really are standing, because that’s the only way you can really be in relationship with him.

Recognizing that life is meant to work brings the whole frame-of-reference outside of ego control. This allows you to recognize that your limiting decisions and your defense systems, and the things human beings do from their lesser or made-up selves, have no real control over reality. Reality is beyond the false structures that people create. People’s defense systems are what cause their lives to not work, but people are generally convinced their defense systems are what make their lives work.”

The Limiting decision Cherrie cleared during TimeLine: “The man has the power over her survival.”

The first event in which she made this decision: At birth.

2/6 Friday: Highlights of Cherrie’s TimeLine Therapy Counseling Session with Jane

Overview:
Today Cherrie woke up with a stomach ache, feeling stressed about money, as though she’s not doing enough about it. The $2000 from her friend was postponed until Monday. She has gotten all of the paperwork in for the loan. She is just waiting for the bank to sign it.

Cherrie spent yesterday recording music with Greg. At the end, he asked her what he owed her. She hadn’t thought about it and said, “Well, you bought me lunch,” as if that covered it. So she had an opportunity to make money and she shrugged it off. She also didn’t research what people are usually paid for something like that. Cherrie is afraid she might not get any more gigs if she’s clear about the financial arrangements, and gets clear with Greg what he plans to pay her.

Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teachings:

“If you believe that people only want to take advantage of each other, and are only out for themselves, and that is the only way to function in the world, then you feel you have to do that as well. But since that’s so against your nature, you just didn’t want to live in that world. And so you’ve lived in fantasy in relation to the people in your life, not wanting to find out what the reality is, where the other person really is at, what really exists between the two of you — because you didn’t think there was any positive possible reality outcome. And because you’re disconnected from reality, people take advantage of you, which then reinforces the whole dysfunctional belief system for you. So as long as you could maintain being in a fantasy with someone, with all of the information between you nebulous, unclear, pie in the sky — you kept going. But since you underneath thought people just take advantage of each other, this leaves no place for love. It leaves no place for really coming together from a heart place, no place for the truth being that people really want to connect with each other from the heart. This is the reason that in all of your relationships, you eventually have been let down.”

Cherrie said that living in fantasy was giving her a sense of despair about herself.

Limiting decision Cherrie cleared during the TimeLine process: “People are only out for themselves.”

First event in which the decision was made: 7 lifetimes ago.

Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teachings:

“The limiting decision we just cleared was no doubt in the way of you succeeding in your business. There very likely are possibilities for you that you haven’t been open to because you haven’t wanted to take advantage of someone, or were afraid you would be taken advantage of.

(Cherrie mentioned a business offer her boyfriend recently made to her.) You were putting yourself at risk by making it an emotional thing. He’s offering you a business possibility, but you are making it an emotional connection, and putting yourself at real risk by not grounding it in any kind of concrete agreement. (Cherrie is saying that once she becomes intimate with a man, that’s when this weakness starts.) Sexual intimacy seems to have the effect on many women of creating the belief or fantasy about a long-term relationship. And then that’s what you believe is the reality, even though he’s never told you that that’s what he intends to do, or is even thinking about it. You’ve got it backwards. Instead of finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you’re being intimate, as if that’s going to create it. What we’re doing is moving you out of a place of fantasy, and into a place where things can actually happen, where you can actually be in your life and take action in your life, and connect with people from a place of reality. You’ve always believed that none of this is possible.”

Cherrie is asking what would happen with her connections with people, like Louis, if she changes this and comes into reality.

“What will happen is then you will be in a real dialogue, where you are clear where you stand. And then the ball is in his court to respond. And so the question is, does he want to be in relationship with you where you really are, and what’s acceptable to you. Is that really where he can or wants to go? And the answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ or ‘I’d like to, but it brings up a bunch of stuff, and I’m going to work on myself.’ Or, ‘I have no intention of working on myself. I just really enjoy sex with you, and I’d like to keep doing that.’ And if that’s not acceptable to you, you have to be clear about it. And that is only extremely difficult for you because you are stuck in a limiting decision pattern, where you don’t really think there is an alternative. That’s been the problem. You haven’t thought that in reality things could work out, and we’re dismantling that. So what this does, by clearing it, is it opens a space for the reality experience of what love is to come into your experience.”

Cherrie’s Report of Progress:

Cherrie is saying she’s much more receptive to people’s compliments to her and acknowledgments of her talents and other things. Whereas before she would think they didn’t really mean it. So before she was only open to the fantasy, not the reality. And now she is being open to the reality, which is bombarding her from every direction, with people calling, telling her they love her, offering her money…

2/9 Monday

From email to Jane from Cherrie:

“My financial situation is worse at the moment, but I still feel calmer than before.  I did see Louis, but was still not able to bring myself to asking and getting a direct answer to my questions about our future together.  It so seems like he wants to be there for me, as he helps me with small things, is trying to help me with moving my products and actually said, ‘Well maybe I should pay you $1000 a month for one of the rooms in your house,’ but that was as far as it went.  I find myself feeling like he is too busy for a relationship and that maybe I should just not take his calls, yet just now I called him about a couple of the things he is involved with helping me on and he always takes my calls.  It is very confusing as one minute I am fine with how it is, and the next I don’t know if it is healthy for me.”

2/10 Tuesday: Jane Conversation with Cherrie over the phone

Cherrie said the loan didn’t come through, and she hasn’t gotten the $2000 from her friend yet. It’s been delayed again. And things are down to rock bottom financially.

Excerpt Transcript of Jane’s Insights to Cherrie:

Accessing and Relying Upon Divine Guidance:

“The thing is to keep checking in with your inner guidance, and the thing about that is limiting decisions can make it difficult to know what you’re really suppose to do, and that’s why we have to keep checking in with where there may be a limiting decision getting in the way of you being clear what direction to go in. There always is a solution. It may not be where or what you are expecting, but there always is a solution. And if there is something blocking you from being in touch with that, that’s what we need to find out.”

(Cherrie was saying about her loan falling through, that that’s what’s happening to a lot of people, banks are just not loaning money.)

“What’s happening now has to do with old relied upon structures failing that people believed they could lean on for their source of safety and well-being. But the truth that is being demonstrated now is that there is no external resource that be relied upon. And so now is when it’s really, really important to be open to what your higher self is indicating you should be doing. And you should probably be asking for guidance frequently, especially before going to bed, and when you get up in the morning.

Another way of looking at it is, ‘OK Life, or Divine, or whatever …, it’ll be really interesting to see how you are going to get me out of this one’ — and look forward to what happens next in the spirit that this is an adventure. And seeing what doors open, see what is in front of you, and continually asking what you are supposed to be doing next. (Cherrie was saying that that is how she is seeing things now.)

It’s not about sitting and doing nothing and somehow life just pays your bills for you. It’s being in a resourceful enough place, so that when opportunities come in front of you, you see the open door, and walk through it. But you have to have the channels open. You have to be in the position to receive what the universe is giving to you.

I think this is a very important state you are in right now. I certainly have been in it myself numerous times — where the usual things you rely upon are not there, and you’re really feeling on the edge, and all you have is the Divine. That state, where you are clearly living by the grace of the Divine, seems to be a very important lesson. And you have the advantage that we can clear, as they come up, anything that is keeping you from being resourceful. And this is apparently the position that your Higher Self is wanting you to be in right now, for whatever lessons there are here. It puts you in a very unique frame-of-reference, and hopefully it won’t have to last too long, but it is what it is. In hindsight it will be clearer what this was all about.

A lot of resources come through engaging with other people. There are just amazing possibilities all over the place, but limiting decisions keep people from accessing the potential that comes though interacting with people. And we know from what we’ve cleared and the material we’ve gone through, that you have misread various possibilities and let people take advantage of you, and at other times you didn’t accept things that would have actually helped you. And so clearing limiting decisions sorts that out, so you are able to access the resources actually available to you. For example it seems that Louis could have helped you, or still could be helping you, and that you’ve been rejecting some things that actually are legitimate from him. It appears we have another limiting decision coming up for clearing (‘The man will only stay connected with you if he has the power.’) that will help you with this as well.”

2/15 Communication from Cherrie over the phone about her current status:

Cherrie said her girlfriend has again had to delay the $2000 she’s going to loan her until Tuesday. Cherrie will be going to Las Vegas for a week where a friend is letting her share his booth so she can sell some merchandise in exchange for giving him some of her products. She will be staying for free with her family who is there. Her dad and sister are helping her out financially for the time being, so she doesn’t go under. She has been accepting help in a way that is new for her. Friends are buying her dinner. She is in a state of confusion that is very uncomfortable for her. In the past she has always used her mind to figure things out to find a solution. It bothers her that she doesn’t have a conclusion of what to do to resolve her financial situation. The longer she waits, the worse the situation becomes. But she doesn’t know what to do.

Louis has again offered to rent a room in her house for his father, but when Cherrie suggested he move in as well, he declined. Cherrie is concerned she is being out of reality in the relationship, about what is really possible with Louis. He always seems to be too busy for her, although he has offered to fix a lot of things up in her house while she is gone.

Excerpt Transcript of Jane’s Teaching:

“Confusion is not a bad thing. Standing in the question allows new things to come in, and that’s exactly what you’re needing right now. The old structure for you — just like the economy in general — is falling apart. The old structure didn’t work. It wasn’t true for you, nor in your highest interest. And so it is falling apart, and confusion allows a space to open so that new things can come in. And it is already shifting for you. It’s uncomfortable because you haven’t been there before. You don’t yet have a sense of where your safety and well-being come from. The whole thing is shifting.”