Relating from Truth
Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s teachings during
the “Shifting into Your New Consciousness” group 9-3-09
(Participant’s names are changed to protect their privacy.)
(Nancy was revealing some painful feelings that came up and Melanie said something she thought was helpful to Nancy, but it didn’t feel good to Nancy. When Jane asked Melanie what she felt when Nancy said what she originally said, Melanie said she felt really sad for Nancy, and she was sorry she had had that experience. Nancy then said that that felt much better to her than what Melanie had originally said, and it made her feel heard.)
(To Melanie) “You don’t have to know how to mend someone, or how to put the right answer in there, or tell them what you think they need. That’s making things up. But what is true are the emotions that are coming up. You have an emotional response to Nancy. That’s not making something up. It’s a real feeling that is coming up in you. That’s a fact. And when you give the fact to the other person, you are now participating in something larger, because you don’t control your response. That’s something real that’s just there. It’s one human being, being affected by another human being. And because it is part of truth, it is a part of the larger reality.
People start out as inherently a part of the larger reality. But when they make limiting decisions (such as they are stupid, or unlovable, or not safe) they create an alternate and defended self that tries to create its own reality. It’s a part of the emotional defense system they form to shield themselves from feeling the limiting decisions or believing that they are true. Limiting decisions are basically some form of deciding that life is not meant to work and that the person is excluded from what they really desire and need in life. So in the area of their limiting decisions the person builds up an alternate self and an alternate world that they think they control in order to feel good about themselves, and where they think they can control getting what they need. It’s basically giving up on reality to be for them, or to give them what they need. They basically make up a whole world based on their defense systems, separated from truth. This is a world apart from the Divine. It’s a world apart from God. It’s a human made-up world, and is outside of Divine order. It is imperfect. Things will not ultimately work in that made-up world. There are many people who build a whole lifestyle or career based on this alternate self in this alternate world. And then they generally have a mid-life crisis, because their life is so meaningless. That’s because they’re not connected to what’s true. They’re connected to a whole made-up world to keep themselves ‘safe’ or to feel that they’re valuable, or to feel they can connect with people and get what they need. It’s a substitute for getting what they need, and a substitute for feeling good about themselves, because they’ve decided on a deep unconscious level that they can’t have that.
And then people relate to each other from their defended alternative selves, such as ‘I do this for you, and you do this for me.’ ‘You act this way that makes me feel OK. And I’ll act this way that makes you feel OK.’ And so on. It’s a way of feeling like you’re connecting with the other person, in a way that feels safe to you. It’s a way of being with other people that isn’t in Divine truth. It’s not connected to the larger reality, and it’s not really relating. But when you start clearing limiting decisions, those kind of interactions no longer feel fulfilling, because now you’re ready for the real thing.
To some degree you’re still trying to relate in this old way where it feels safe, where you expect the other person to then relate back in that same way. But that’s the substitute part of you and the substitute part of them. And it’s not real relating. It’s not real nourishment. And it’s not a part of Divine Truth. But when you’re sharing a real response inside of yourself, now you’re beginning to get into real territory. It is who you are. And when you share that with Nancy, after she has just shared something deep inside of herself, she then feels heard. She feels connected with. She feels you. And then there’s a back and forth of sharing the real material. And that’s relating, and that’s intimacy, and that’s coming together.
Relating in this way is allowing what’s really true, what’s really real to enter into the picture. You say something, you wait, you let things happen, and then you see what else is there. So it takes really knowing that life is meant to work. It takes really knowing that the Universe is benign. And that you can say something and allow something else to flow in and then you see what’s there, and you see how it works out, and then you see what’s next. But instead you’re going in there and you’re controlling the whole thing because you don’t trust the Universe to be OK, and to be for you rather than against you. To you it looks as though you’re carrying everything. But what I see, and probably most people see it as you’re trying to control everything.”
