Coming Together with Others: Staying True to Yourself vs. Giving Up Your Self
Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teachings during a
“Shifting into your New Consciousness” group experience, 6-11-09
(Names are changed to protect privacy)
(To Nancy) “You seem to be afraid you have to give up your perception of reality in order to engage with other people. And that’s what keeps you from engaging. As I said in a previous group, the way to connect with people is through love. It’s not through being the same as them. You think connecting with people has to do with being the same, thinking the same way, seeing reality in the same way. And you can’t stand that, although you try to make other people think the same way as you, and you get really upset when they don’t. But then you think you have to think the way they think, and you can’t do that because you’re too much your self. So this is the bind that you’ve got yourself in, and this is what keeps you from engaging, because you think either you have to do it, or they have to do it. But that’s not what connects people. What connects people is love, and it has nothing to do with buying into their reality.
This issue of engaging is what it’s really about for all of us. And that’s what defense systems are all about — basically keeping us from engaging.”
Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teachings during a
“Shifting into your New Consciousness” group experience 6-18-09
(Names are changed to protect privacy)
(To Melanie) “…This is an important subject and I think it’s of interest to perhaps everyone here. It’s of interest to the human species. We’re talking about how to truly come together with another person. There is a perceived conflict that it’s not possible to be together with others without being untrue to yourself, having to compromise who you are, what’s really important to you, basically giving up your self. But this is not really coming together with another person. If you’re not bringing your true self with you, there is no real coming together.
You’ve tried out, in your lifetime, different versions of how to come together. Earlier in your life you had a way of coming together with other people which had to do with you taking care of them. And that was a safe way of coming together for you, because you could be in control and didn’t have to be vulnerable. But it also leaves you lacking, because you don’t get what you need. And now the people that you used to live to take care of, that were comfortable family people, and with whom it worked for you, are no longer around. It was a safe construct for you. And I’m calling it a construct, because it’s the way that you were able to connect with people without solving the real issues for you about connecting with others.”
…
A Foundation for Sorting Out what Reality Is
Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teachings during a
“Shifting into your New Consciousness” group experience 6-18-09
(Names are changed to protect privacy)
“Limiting decisions, distort our concept of relationships. They structure the kinds of people that we are attracted to, or can even conceive of as possible people to have in our lives as intimate partners or other kinds of relationships. So your description just now about people in your life that hurt you. You talked about that as if it’s an objective fact, whereas it’s really a subjective response. And the reason you’re together with those particular kinds of people, in the first place, has to do with limiting decisions. Basically you’re building yourself an impossible scenario in relation to other people. And maybe you’re lacking a foundation for sorting out what reality is. It’s important to have a way of organizing and understanding the nature of life, so that when you come upon something that’s not congruent with that — such as your description of people hurting you — a red flag comes up. I know there’s a limiting decision there, because what you described is not the nature of life. It’s not the nature of other people. So there’s a larger frame-of-reference that’s really important to be able to hold in place, to be able to understand that, so that you can measure things that happen and the way you respond to them, to know ‘OK, I’m in defense mode. A limiting decision has just been triggered. I am functioning out of some unhealed issue, so I am not seeing things objectively.’ And this group helps to build that sense, because I am coming from a very congruent place, and hold that in place. It’s a way of defining what’s true. So right now you’ve got a lot of confusion about what is true and what are unhealed issues in you, versus what’s actually happening external to you.”
