Real Dialogue
Transcript Excerpts of Jane’s Teaching
during a Shifting into Your New Consciousness Group 3/12/09
(Names are changed to protect participant’s privacy.)
(To Randy in relation to his wife) “You’ve gotten yourself to a place where you’re not reactive to her, but you’re still being controlled by her, because you’re now motivated to do the opposite of what she tells you. If you feel resistance, she’s still the frame-of-reference out of which you are responding.
(Randy was saying that he feels fed up with the relationship. He doesn’t want to live like this any more, and is ready to leave.) The issue here is about dialogue. When people finally come to the point where they can no longer deny how they really feel, they often just decide to leave, which is not giving anything a chance to actually work. What happens before this is the person tries to compromise and please the other person, and tries to change their insides so that the relationship can work, all of the while believing inside that it’s impossible. And eventually they get fed up, and no longer can continue to live the lie anymore. But rather than talk about the truth of their experience, they just leave. Speaking the truth may end the relationship, and it may not. But the most respectful thing you can do toward another person is to be truthful with them. And it can’t make anything worse. (In your case you may not want to do it verbally, because you may not want to get into an emotional entanglement. So you may want to communicate this in written form.) Now this is where letting the Divine come in, comes in. You reveal the truth, feeling certain that you know what the outcome is going to be. But it may not. At least you’ve put your cards on the table, where you really are at. Until you do that there is no chance for anything to work. And that puts the ball in her court, and hopefully she’ll allow herself to sit on it for a while, rather than just giving an immediate response. And you might even request that of her. And then see what happens.
It could be a back and forth, and there could be a lot of emotional stuff happening, but if you wait a while, then it gives the real stuff a chance to bubble up. Most people have no idea what real dialogue is, and are really afraid to allow it to happen. Allowing dialogue to happen is really trusting in truth. And if you put out there how you really feel and she throws it back at you, and that’s the final thing she does, then that’s her part in the dialogue. For every step you take, rather than take it from a reactive place, just keep listening to your insides, and then put where you are out there, and then you wait for her response, and you stay centered. Then she gives her response. And then you feel inside what your response is, and then you give your response. Basically, what you’re learning to do is to lean on your own insides and your connection with something larger. And then however it turns out, it will be a step forward for you. And it will probably give her something one way or another. If you’re giving truthful responses, it’s a gift, whether the other person acknowledges that or not.”
