Mother in Relation to Father and Children
Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teachings during a
Shifting into Your New Consciousness Group 4-2-09
(Janet said she told her husband and two children, before she left for the group, that she needed them to do three chores, because she wouldn’t have time — wash and put away the dishes, walk the dog and take out the trash. She had said it in a much more empowered way than she has before. And she feels certain they will do it, because she heard them negotiating about who would do what, as she was leaving. [The last NLP TimeLine Therapy process Janet cleared was meant to deal with her being taken seriously when she asks something of her family, and apparently it worked.] Then Randy asked Janet how she would feel if she came home and they hadn’t actually done the chores. And Janet started to cry, saying then she would feel that nothing she does ever makes a difference, and she hadn’t made progress after all.)
“No matter what happens, you asked in a different, more self-respecting way, from a place of power. It’s similar with Randy speaking to Donna. It’s not so much what actually happens, it’s the fact that you’re in a different place, which is good for you.
I’m wondering why you haven’t set things up yet, so you don’t have to ask them each time, and don’t have to spring it on them at the last moment, but instead, have it as established responsibilities. The problem is you still haven’t set up a larger frame-of-reference, in which you get clear what you should be asking of your family and work it out with them, and establish it as their responsibility. They would then know that this is expected of them, and it wouldn’t have to be negotiated each time, and they could work it into their schedules. It seems for you there’s some reality basis that’s still not in place for you to be able to figure out what is right to ask of your family, and what is not. It has to become something established in reality, rather than a power-struggle between you and them.
Your whole take on reality is based on their response to you. The question is whose frame-of-reference are you going to be in. Are you going to let their response to you dictate what is true? What you’ve done so far is that if they do what you asked them to do, then you’re fine; if they don’t, then you’re not fine. If they do it, then you’ve had an effect; if they don’t do it, then you’ve not had an effect. The issue for you and several others in the group is — who is defining reality for you.
(NOTE: When Janet got home she found that all of the chores had been done!)
