Independence Used as a Defense System
Transcript Excerpt of Jane’s Teaching during a
Shifting into Your New Consciousness Group 3-26-09
(To Jocelyn) (The discussion is about Jocelyn being invested in being independent.) “So here’s where you need to draw the distinction between what part of this is a defense system, and what part of this is not. If there is a defense system involved, it causes life to not work. If there is not a defense system involved, then being independent would not be a problem. It would not be blocking things. So right now, the independence that you talk about is pushing people away because it’s protecting a limiting decision. Your version of being independent is to pull yourself out of the picture. Maybe that’s what you’re saying is a passive way of doing it, because people don’t notice it. You are disengaging so you appear to not be there. But this then means you are not taking up space. And then you wonder why you don’t get things your way, or why you feel pushed around. Apparently in order for you to feel free, and feel as though no one can control you or tell you what to do (which to you is independence), you have to be disengaged, because if you are engaged, people know where you are at, and then you feel in danger of being controlled. But the downside of this is by removing yourself from the picture, you end up disempowering yourself. It seems that rather than engaging and revealing where you are really at — you appear to go along, while actually saying f-u, and not really doing anything effective. And this is what you view as being independent. But it’s really being totally dependent on the other person who you see as having the power. The solution is to start revealing where you really are.”
This was definitely a brand new way of looking at power. I think most often people allow powerlessness into their life. The ability to disagree is more important than the ability to agree. A teenager running away from home, living a destructive no holes barred lifestyle on their terms is definitely not constructive. This is not reflective of an independant will but of one who fears criticism and wants to flee responsibilities.